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    dots Submission Name: Heartbreak's Anatomydots

    Author: numbertwenty
    ASL Info:    16 Female
    Elite Ratio:    1.41 - 55/25/9
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1028
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056

       Blah. Self explanitory.
    Review it. Tell me exactly what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeartbreak's Anatomydots

    Your eyes. Your caramel colored eyes.
    The ones that lead the way into your mind.
    The mind that surely works overtime to conjure up all those lies.
    The lies that end up spewing out of your decietful lips.

    Your lips. Your apple red lips.
    The ones that used to make me weak, now make me sick.
    And as you try to save whatever feelings I have left for you with those lips
    my heart threatens to stop its function. My own body telling me to stop before it's too late.

    Your hips. Your strong hips.
    The ones that used to make me tremble, now make me cringe.
    As you try one last time to move into me, I slip out of your hold.
    Reality rushes back and I'm reminded of her.

    Her. Oh, beautiful her.
    The one that you snuck around with. The one you challenged my trust with.
    As you try and explain that she meant nothing I turn and walk out.
    I think about where I'll go next. I think about the fact that you were never worth it.

    Submitted on 2007-01-24 15:06:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the style and structure of this, and the way you delivered the message! That's telling em!
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      i l ike it alot and its something people can relate to, and was really well written , and filled with emotions, but like psyko said dont be afraid to lengthen what you feel,keep going untill there is nothing left of the emotion you started out with, take care
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, theres a lot of feeling in this, I wish I could write as well.
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      very well written... except for at the end... you let go of your pattern that you were writing with to put all of your emotions in... don't be afraid to lengthen it if your feelings aren't completely out yet, just continue going on following your pattern of style until you've said everything... I could imagine with the last stanza, you have a lot you wanna say, so this poem could have been maybe ten stanzas longer. maybe more.

    It was good though, I love the style.
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhhhhhhh! me likes. ALOT. wonderfully written. my favorites list is calling it's name!
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      kool kool
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by TwistedMinded | [ Reply to This ]

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