Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I want to be the girl in my dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deathbroken
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 57/142/38
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 682
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 857



    Description:
       I wanted so much to be like her, the girl in my dreams. She's perfect, flawless, while Im not....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI want to be the girl in my dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She has everything I don't
    She's got everything I want
    She's the best and I'm the worst
    She's my enemy,
    But I'm her friend.

    She knows me well
    as much as I know her
    She watches me with sad eyes
    Knowing what's going through my head

    I glare at her with anger
    furious that I'm not her
    We're so alike we're different
    Standing side by side

    Two pairs of eyes staring at the sea
    I felt plain and simple beside her
    beauty, elegance, kindness
    everything i wanted to have.

    I stared at her
    anger, envy, sadness
    filled my eyes as i admired her
    She's my Idol. my model.

    The one I want to be
    But she lies only in my dreams.




    Submitted on 2007-01-25 06:32:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this, it's the first thing by you I've read, and it comes across as sincere and well written, very nice. I will just make a simple comment on my view. Flawlessness isn't perfect. Think on it, maybe write something on it, idk. I find that flawlessness and repitition are the number one reasons I feel bored with the world.
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    133091

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Dream written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry