Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Himdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Max R.
    Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 33/29/17
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 707



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHimdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The fingers ball up
    The arm goes back
    All the muscles tense
    She puts up her hands
    To try and black the blow
    And the fist comes flying
    She hits the ground
    As his boot hits her ribs
    And everything goes black

    When she wakes up
    The room is white
    “I guess this is heaven”
    The pain comes down
    Onto her body
    And she tries to scream

    The doctor comes over
    Tells her she’s fine
    And then He steps beside her
    He’s smiling that smile
    Working that charm
    And tell the doctor she fell
    The doctor nods slowly
    Sadly she thinks,
    “Why, Daddy, why?”




    Submitted on 2007-01-25 08:37:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i thought it was an abusive husband too. so the ending comes as a bit of a surprise.
    this is such a delicate subject to write about, but you done it well. very sad, tho.
    nicely done.
    michelle
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good, only thing is that the flow was kinda choppy though. but you took a great topic wrote it farly well, i loved the ending at first i thought it was abusive husband or a boyfriend but at the end it was the father, didn't expect it.

    Well hope to hear from ya and keep up the good work.

    Max
    Aka
    Lil'Mix
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    133095

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry