Description: I am so bored. I had a lot of nothing to do this block and I am just waiting for something to happen. Anyway.. this wasn't directed to Chris' and our relationship. It was more about Raivn and this lady that is on the Journalism staff. I know it is bad, I just didn't have anything to do, and I already did eveything I could think of. it's just out of boredom.
What do we do....? -------------------------------------------
I love you
What do we do with this...
When we don't expect it,
Or when we don't want it?
When we need it and can't have it?
I love you
We depend on it
To survive,
To breath,
To not be alone.
We must not like ourselves very much.
Because we don't want to spend time with us.
I love you
A nessecity.
But what do we do with this..
When we want it,
But can't find it?
Ohh, what do we do
the end was cool.
the rest of the piece seemed lacking to me
you said it wasnt a good piece though so i guess you are aware too...
im not sure what i would suggest you do to make this better.
it seems you have 'i love you' sprinkled through this piece in a way that makes no sense and has no meaning and holds no weight.
was that youre intention?
why did you keep putting that phrase in there?
i love you is a really hard line to take seriously in poetry these days because it has been thrashed and mashed to pieces and so if you do use it you need to make sure that you have reason in doing so and that you weight it without enough imagery to justify its use and inspire the feelings/thoughts it is sposed to envoke...
im not a fan of all your questions in this piece because they didnt seem to have any answers or any relevance to the piece either.
realising that you wrote this a while ago now and that it is not your best writing you may not have any intentions of reviewing it but do keep some of the things ive said in mind for future writings
Wonderful. Nice touch with the sailor part at the end. This scared the [censored] out of me at first cause it is sad, and I thought that you were being sad at me.
Really sad part ->
"We must not like ourselves very much.
Because we don't want to spend time with us."
this is actually a very good piece of writing. i liked the repeatition but mostly i liked how it went from one image-love, longing, confusion- to the drunken sailor. quick wit.
thanks for sharing.
cheers.
Submission Name: What do we do....?
