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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sadomachoismdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MC white
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 71/72/44
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 6030
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 581



    Description:
       Any guy out there ever accidentally ruin a girl in such a way that it couldnt have been an accident? I was trying to explain my feelings in that kinda situation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssadomachoismdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She dreams of her virginity,
    lost too late but too early.
    Her friends she hates
    but dreams daily
    of being them and all their finery.

    But shes stuck with me
    and her weight it seems.
    At the gym her sweat
    and her tears they gleam,
    because she'll never be on that
    movie screen.

    and I love: Killing her,
    slowly.
    Draining her,
    coldly.
    and leave her crying everyday
    yet finding some bastard way
    to do it all again

    Im her only friend.




    Submitted on 2007-01-25 15:37:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The ryhme scheme sounds like it would scan better slammed or rapped...but in a coffeehouse setting, if that makes sense. I think this could do with a few tweaks around some of the syllables to make them fit better, but other than that, excellent work. =]

    melora
    | Posted on 2007-10-13 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      1000 views and three comments? Y'all better be struck speachless or get to tellin me why this isn't worthy of your illustrious advice. Its cuz of the title isnt it? pervs.
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      There are parts of this that are very familiar, but in other ways, seem just out of reach of recognition. I like the 'lost too late but too early' line. Definitely makes sense. The last line was also perfect--the complete sense of hopelessness there is almost... what's the word... resigned. It feels like something/someone gives in during that line.

    Nice job. Keep it up.

    {Kate}
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      mad psyco write dude. i liked it was interesting.


    peace

    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey you wanna do I collab or can i do a spin off of this. I will make a notation of you. I like this, but I think it lacks lattle something you had in "Improving" you are good, I do like it, but for the lesser part you could rhyme a little more/ better and flow smoother. but that's only what i think, unless you were shooting for a free write.
    either way i still like it.
    | Posted on 2007-09-21 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]



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