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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like a Butterfly in a Jardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 271



    Description:
       


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    dotsLike a Butterfly in a Jardots
    -------------------------------------------


    You display me like a butterfly in a jar.
    I can almost spread my wings;
    I have nearly enough air,
    but as long as I can half-move and half-breathe,
    I can still break free,
    But how far will I get
    On atrophied wings?





    Submitted on 2004-06-05 03:23:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this and have lived it too. Did anyone comment about the words "on display" ? to me that says," yes, you're my trophy" but once it's won, who cares? I don't do well in captivity! the metaphor of half move,
    half life, it's great. The question involving freedom, says it all. Growth is so stunted you don't know. My friends called me "Bansai" You've treated this theme so well, it tends to be healing. nansofast
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem Amy, in your hallmark abbreviated style you speak volumes in so few, yet touching syllables.

    Silver
    | Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I would slap that little boy silly if he came within reach. I've seen so many controlling relationships. It's a really ugly thing and just as you described it here. The abused party, it is abuse of the severest kind you know, finds it hard to break free, because this type of atrophied dependence develops. Grrrrr!
    | Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      Great metaphor, Amy! The first line says it all. Just that one image reflects the entire relationship and its stifling nature, giving you just enough room to spread your wings a little, but not too much... How apropos of a controlling relationship. I was hoping that the butterfly would be able to escape by the end. Your ending, though, is perfect: "how far will I get/On atrophied wings?" I certainly hope this little butterfly can fly free soon. The thought of her all cooped up like that makes me sad. In my classroom, we're getting some cocoons so that the kids can watch them become butterflies. Of course, they won't be in a jar, and as soon as they come out, we take them outside and set them free. Great lesson for the kids about nature and its beauty.

    Great poem as per usual.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Another wonderful piece...i really feel thisone considering i was in a controlling relationship for about six yrs...the use of the butterflyin a jar is perfect.
    yet another piece i must add to my favorites it hitting so close to home ..
    you are just so amazing with words
    smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason I'm thinking of butterflies in cases.. you know how they'd be pinned down so that their wings are clear to see, but you can't see what it is that's holding them down? I was going to suggest changing it along those lines, but that wouldn't work as the butterflies in the frames are dead and obviously, yours is not. So in the jar context, I like how you did this.. Nearly enough air, almost move my wings.. it is an half-life..I like the atrophied wings too... Good work :D
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this. its like fighting to get out but as soon as you get out you wouldnt know what then anyways... this is very powerful and the butterfly in the jar is a brilliant image.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      really good image. this is a original way to present a topic written about so often. very well done. I enjoyed it. you said a lot with a few words.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one... so much emotional attatchment pressed in 7 lines... I feel for you... i hope the butterfly can get far with withered wings. i'm sure the wind can still carry her.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      nowhere.
    the moment you stop trying to break free, you might as well be dead.
    cool way of potraying this.
    nice one cuddle.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      It is sweet and I get what you mean about the controlling relationship. The title really suits it. Sorry, that was all I had to say.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by sadistchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't remember who it was that told me to check out your work...I'm glad I did. You've got an approach I can relate to...I'll keep reading more. This was a really good piece, BTW
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was powerful, yet in such short words great many relationships are liekthis w/ a an overpowering egotistical male, sometimes you can get away and want it back not the comtoling aspect of it but the person that you loved so dearly but when you are in a relationship like that its better to flee and be free than be controlled great write
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by gigglygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one even more than caustic, you have a great talent for making every word count which makes the writing have a bigger impact on the reader and its more appealing to read because its on the short side! ill look forward to reading some of your new work
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by kma12790 | [ Reply to This ]


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