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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: FOR SALEdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pietro
    ASL Info:    30/m/cebu
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 298/175/36
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1979



    Description:
       i dunno, been feeling very odd lately. never really liked reading crap like this. but this felt strangely good when writing it.

    sometimes, i dont know if its funny or not. like am i just trying to be dark, or trying to make you laugh. i really cant tell anymore. im open to format suggestions though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFOR SALEdots
    -------------------------------------------


    2 (two) eyes:

    20-20

    perfect clarity.

    will pick out minor details that
    truly do not matter.



    1 (one) right hand:

    slightly strained.

    overused from masturbation. delicate
    enough for fine art. no good when it comes to fighting.



    2 (two) legs:

    good working order. slightly damaged
    upper left tibia.

    will walk/run for miles.
    will almost certainly turn back.



    1 (one) pair lungs:

    abused, slightly black. price negotiable.


    1 (one) back:

    never broken


    1 (one) heart:

    good working order.
    unbreakable.




    1 (one) virginity (second hand):

    slightly used.







    1 (one) human soul:




    price non-negotiable.






    Submitted on 2007-01-25 17:19:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      loved it! simply loved it! all the reaction is inside me.. dont know how much i can write to describe the way it made me feel. its a stimulus in itself. . my favourite..

    (iram)
    | Posted on 2011-12-10 00:00:00 | by Iram | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I thought you were writting about selling your soul but later I see that your soul was non negotiable. This write is very unique I haven't seen anything yet on this site done like this, and I like it. I like that you talk about the hand and the heart that is never broken, it is blunt in some form, but it is also dark, or could be humouros too others, I really liked it, and I'm adding to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2007-07-23 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      This was quite startling. I've never read anything quite like it and was quite amazed by it. I liked the way most said items had something wrong with, and the way it was set out made the:
    '1 (one) human soul:


    price non-negotiable'

    far more striking. The only thing on the list that you are not willing to barter with because it is the one thing which is worth more than anything else.
    I also liked how you mixed physical problems with emotional/psychological hang ups - shown best on the legs item:

    '2 (two) legs:

    good working order. slightly damaged upper tibia.

    will walk/run for miles.
    will almost certainly turn back.'

    It shows perfectly how so often we sell ourselves short, not realising how much we are truly worth. I was however left wondering why the left hand wasn't up for sale.

    Format wise it was clever - the gaps in between the items and pieces of information made it easy to read and to follow and I liked how the spaces got larger as the items got more important such as virginity and the soul, seemed to suggest to me at least a hesitation to put them up for sale.

    Whether it made me laugh, or whether it's just dark is an interesting question; it made me smirk at certain points - like the legs and the lungs - when I recognised a definite link to myself. But I think more than that it made me think. Which is possibly more important than either. Are we just a collection of random physical parts...or is there something more to us...and your final point more or less answers that.
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]
      i will have to say that i quite enjoyed this...

    you truly amaze me with your creativity and style. you are certainly one of a kind.

    i am sorry i am so cheap with the content in my comment i just don't know anything other to say than...

    1 (one) reader:


    thoroughly enjoyed your poem...


    sold!



    keep writing as you always do- amazingly!
    Sindy
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]
      FOR SALE
    -------------------------------------------

    2 (two) eyes:

    20-20

    perfect clarity.

    will pick out minor details that
    truly do not matter.


    1 (one) right hand:

    slightly strained.

    overused from masturbation. delicate
    enough for fine art. no good when it comes to fighting.


    2 (two) legs:

    good working order. slightly damaged upper tibia.

    will walk/run for miles.
    will almost certainly turn back.


    1 (one) pair lungs:

    abused, slightly black. price negotiable.


    1 (one) back:

    i.never broken.


    1 (one) heart:

    good working order.
    unbreakable.



    1 (one) virginity (second hand):

    slightly used.







    1 (one) human soul:




    price non-negotiable.



    You didn't enjoy writing this? Possibly because the last two lines may have seemed to be absolutes in a less than certain world? Actually, this was a well balanced examination of human failure/ shortcomings vs. idealism/ self-esteem. This grocery list of human foibles closes with an absolute declaration that some things have no price, can't be bartered and shouldn't be treated lightly by those who assign value to people via external affirmation (the right style, clothing, job, car, home, wife, etc).

    This has the equivalent of a spiritual kick reminiscent of a 70-word short story (wonder who writes those?).

    Take care.Bill.
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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