Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rewrite.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _proper_noun_
    ASL Info:    20/m/OK
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 106/88/24
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1112
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 303



    Description:
       Well...there's always different ways to take something this vague. It could all be a huge metaphor, but really it's a lot more straightforward than it may seem. I wish I could say that I was clever enough to make it all metaphoric and stuff, but I'm not.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRewrite.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dew-drops of lover's eyes,
    Gracing beautiful unmoving lips,
    Ignorant to the pain they abandoned.
    Memories are left to the heart,
    But they are frayed,
    For so is the vessel upon which they rest.
    A promise broken,
    Dreams gone amok,
    No remorse...




    Submitted on 2007-01-25 18:42:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this poem is amazingly clean. the images are so sharp and developed. its reads as a true portrait of emotions. i love the way action supports the emotions so well. this is a very well written piece. i do agree with the other post that the first three and second three sentences read as stanzas and because of this the last lines seem a little unbalanced. great write though
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by roycureton | [ Reply to This ]
      Regardless of whether this is a metaphor or not, it does paint a very charming portrait, as symbol AND as reality.

    however the first two stanzas seem to speak with a rythym all of their own, (stanza as in each 3 lines), because I see them and hear them as stanzas. The last one however which is also the conclusion seems a little off beat.

    so all that I would say is that you should complete the sentence of "no remorse"...what is the "no remorse" over, what in particular are you referring to? Is this the last thought you want to convey? If so why? Is it because you have gotten over it?

    the first three lines beautifully swept me in, something about grace and dew-drops in lovers eyes, sings vividly in my imagination

    jc prescott
    | Posted on 2007-01-26 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    133123

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry