I have to say that, apart from liking the piece as a whole, the "I create
bit was genius. That the act of creation is the source of this delightful dichotomy, rather than the prevalent view that creation is a force for freeing thought is just...so evocative, thought provoking and quite poignant.
I guess the predictable thing now would be to tell you that it's brilliant.
(see, I do come here sometimes...and I am glad when I read something that makes it worth it...)
instant karma's gonna get you! Gonna look you right in the face. Better get yourself together darling- join the human race!
well I just felt the need for a musical interlude. I love this poem; I'm not sure if I'm understanding it right, but it seems to me to be talking about the creative process, in relation to, like, life-in-general.
I slip pebbles
in my shoes
to remind this
blot of flesh
that I'm still human
but the pain
made no attempt
to ease the ache
and the nausea
impressed me less
I took this as saying, creation is the highest thing humanity can do... and even if I feel the physical pain of life, that sensation is not nearly as vivid as the feeling of creation. Which I believe to be completely true. (that's probably why I spend so much time writing, drawing, painting... heh)
This line is very thought-provoking. Maybe because before something is created, it's nothing? and being nothing means that you're not held captive by a set definition? and nothingness is complete freedom? but, by actually writing that poem or whatever, you're making something out of nothing (sort of... well.. not really, but whatever.) So by making something, you're giving it a form and meaning and definition, and suddenly those things "incarcerate" your creation? hmmm I think I just confused myself. sorry, that probably doesn't make sense.
well anyway, like usual, a great poem. it's interesting how you can pack SO MUCH into one short, breathless poem... nice job
well i stopped and read some of your work. You write great. Very thought provoking. But i cannot seem to put into words how they make me feel. Very unusal writeing but seems to hit the nail on the had. to live is to hurt. to hurt is to feel. To feel is back to living and the cycle continues. im struggleing here so ill just say ...Very nice.
First strophe: reminds me of those Rorschach tests, what with "blot" as in those inkblots. So, to me, you're dissatisfied and need a nusiance, any nuisance ie "pebbles in my shoes" to remind yourself you're still human.
Second: I think this is pretty obvious, and a continuation of your first. The epiphany that you still ache.
Third: comparing this pain to poetry... although I get the impression you still find both nauseous to different degrees.
Fourth: nice wordplaying here. To create something, to only trap it. An interesting dilemma.
Fifth: I think everyone feels this way when they find something which resonates with them, thereby letting them unleash themselves in a psychologically positive way, as opposed to destructive habits etc.
Sixth: your outro seems disconnected from yourself; it seems to be an inner conflict of wishes and hopes before you that you can't quite grasp, ethereal that it is. Although, I must ask you: "wishing I were different" from what? From having to write this in the first place?
I think this is my favorite piece of yours (that I've read, at least). Often times I have trouble following the intention of your poems, but this feels especially focused and quite tangible.
The beginning reminds me of that Nine Inch Nails song, "Hurt?" I think that's the title, but the lyrics go something like "I hurt myself today/ to see if I still feel/ I focus on the pain/ the only thing that's real." It's so sad the things we're forced to do to remind us of our humanity, the global bonding agent that seems to be in sparse quantity of late... But at the same time, in the poem, you make your humanity out to be something painful, "the ache," and that strikes me as meaning that you are dissatisfied with the current state of the worlds humanity. Though, I don't know who wouldn't be.
Nausea comes along with pills and drugs, obviously to subdue the pain, your unfortunate connection/lack of connection to humanity. But poetry is a much better distraction, a better form of healing, where you can solidify thoughts and imprison them on paper.
And then the desire to be different sits just off shore, seductively exposing itself in cleansing, always beaten by the waves and out of reach.
karma? the cause and effect of ones actions, or should i say ones desire to change is very keenly set forth in this post.
at first you tell us how you attempt to remind your self that you are still human and later as a creature you evolve into one that is also a creator as well. it is interesting how you remind yourself of your humanity with pain rather than something else, like pleasure. the ending three strophes are my favorite in this piece. from what i can gather the creation now becomes creator; and in my mind i like to think that his terms of engagement (in regards to karma) are different those the ones he himself must obey. very interesting indeed, sir. well done, as usual.
God bless you.
p.s. i have posted two new poems sunday (1.28.07). if you have time let me know what ya think, how you think i may improve them etc...
Curious...no comments? This is great! It's not in your usual style, but its very nicely done.
I have one suggestion: In S1, changing "blot" to "soul" or "sole". The pun works either way, and is consistent with the strophe.
It's difficult to tell whether my favorite strophe is the first or fourth. They're both good.
I do wonder about the last sentence ("I'll walk..."). It seemed strange at first, yet it leaves a hint that fits the poem's theme - rather like a nice aftertaste that keeps the rest on the mind, ruminating, ruminating...