Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You wake up latedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyMerlina
    ASL Info:    24/ F/ Montreal
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 60/93/58
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 812



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou wake up latedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I refuse to let the day go to waste.
    I crave for the sunshine.
    I do not care if my sleep is fractured.
    I don't pay it any mind.

    Smiling and awake
    I am just glad to have slept.
    You slither out of bed
    sluggish and unkept,
    mumble something about bad breath.

    Your time lingers and melts
    No wonder you never notice
    How much of your life is a mess.

    By the time you're finished breakfast
    I will have cleaned the appartment
    done the dishes, taken a shower
    and dressed.

    My day's already alive
    When yours hasn't even begun.
    Just so you know, that big yellow ball
    in the sky, that's the sun.








    Submitted on 2007-01-27 16:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      My favorite part about this is probably the ending. It's kind of like you're telling someone "Hey, wake up. This is life we're living and you're obviously not living it. Get outside, smell the roses."

    To me this seems like a relationship gone sour; one person has gotten to sluggish and apathetic to even wake up or do anything on time.

    Great job.
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by wovenwords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    133273

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Fasade written by jackz
    Cover written by saartha
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Love written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Summer written by layDsayD

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry