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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Stand Here (In the Rain)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1045
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1414



    Description:
       heartbreak kills in more ways then one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Stand Here (In the Rain)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I keep trying,
    I keep working to move on,
    Yet it seems that I all my work only slows
    The fading of my stars.
    I don't understand it,
    But I keep fighting the war.
    I don't see a silver lining,
    But I keep living the lie.

    I stand here in the rain,
    Looking through your window,
    Praying for the first time,
    Praying that one day I'll be alright.

    I keep running,
    I keep up the pace,
    Yet it seems I'm going nowhere,.
    All I see now is your face.
    All I hear now is your voice.
    I don't know why,
    But I keep living the nightmare.

    I stand here in the rain
    Watching you in your dreams,
    Wondering why you never smiled like that for me.
    Praying for the strength to move on.

    I keep hoping,
    I keep screaming,
    Yet it never brings me peace.
    I reach farther within myself,
    Only to find that theres nothing there,
    But I keep feeling the pain.

    I stand here in the rain,
    Holding you in my mind,
    Learning that that life won't let you be mine,
    Praying for the end to come.

    I stand here in the rain,
    Screaming your name,
    Crying these tears that you'll never see,
    Dying for your sins.






    Submitted on 2007-01-27 19:46:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, here I am to repay my debt,slowly but surely I promise you. I really liked this write, because as it's meaning was really sad and heartfelt, the mood I got from it had more of an angry, dark feel to it. These two things working together usually helps ot emphasize on pain and heartache, so in poetry that's quite a good method to use. Great job.

    P.S. My favourite part of this whole write was right here:

    I stand here in the rain
    Watching you in your dreams,
    **Wondering why you never smiled like that for me.
    Praying for the strength to move on.

    I put the stars on the one sentence because i'm inthe midst of writing a poem that has somewhat the same idea of smiling for someone else... So it really caught my eye... I love the emotion in it.
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      ooohh this is so sad....makes me want to hug you. the imagery was perfectly heart breaking. it seems wrong that one person should have that much power over another, doesnt it? This poem has the pearsons heart wide open and bare to the world. very well done.

    AL
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, I commented a few minutes ago but my brothers computer is a moron and had signed me out. Not impressed. So I start again.

    By God do I know that feeling all too well. I liked this, but not as per usual with your poems due to the cleverness of the imagery and subtlety of the message. I liked this because of the emotion shown within the poem. It doesn't have the usual imagery and obvious knowledge of language, but instead it has something more powerful, and thats the despair caught behind the words. I particularly liked the lines:

    'I don't understand it,
    But I keep fighting the war.
    I don't see a silver lining,
    But I keep living the lie.'

    I thought they were very truthful and summed up a lot of what we do and say as humans. How many times do we keep fighting for something even though we don't know what we are fighting for - only that its important to fight for. And how often do we keep lying to ourselves and others just to keep on going even thought there seems to be no more light at the end of the tunnel.

    Structually it was interesting, with an internittant 4 stanza verse between longer stanza's which slowly decreased in length - 8, 7, 6...to me at any rate this gave an impression of slowly fading away, of slwly giving up hope...
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the feeling in this. Like a poor soul hung up on love unwilling to let go of it even when it has moved on and left him behind. Its a terrible feeling trust me.

    Be Blessed,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like I'm in an old detective movie when I read this, Idk just the feeling I guess,
    I like it, I can totally relate to how your feeling here. it's well written with a strong clear consistent vibe.
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by GimmeSomeTruth | [ Reply to This ]


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