Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Wonderer and the Hawk

Author: Jose Ragnos
Elite Ratio:    3.49 - 23 /23 /27
Words: 154
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 811
Average Vote:    4.5000
Bytes: 897


The Wonderer and the Hawk

As I wonder alone withered and weak
Along the fast abysm of this land,
I find myself to be counting each week
Of the time I spent walking on the sand.

My shoes are fair and will still bare this walk.
I have been blessed and cursed with this straight road.
My only friend on this trip is a hawk,
Who with eyes gives me a silent goad.

During the night the hawk goes out to hunt,
Always returning with food beside me.
Never behind me, he flies up in front,
Guiding me to the nearest melon tree.

Alas, my journey has come to an end,
I have found a town where I can go home.
The hawk that has always been my best friend,
Circled around me like a radar dome.

When you least expect, help will sometimes come,
Like the hawk you should not shy away from.

Submitted on 2007-01-28 01:29:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Very nice I defiantly agree with the comment given. I thank your work is defiantly getting better with each new poem. Like said before, nice rhythm and flow. And I fell a lot of meaning in this I don’t know it could just be me, but it is a lesson we all should learn. Very good keep them coming.
| Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by fallen_angl_2 | [ Reply to This ]
   Wow this was a pretty awesome poem! The rythem and flow to it was never off beat.

The only thing I would change is the last two lines, maybe turn it into a four line stanza because the others are...........The last two just kind of cut things off.....

| Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by aNNmARIE | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?