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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Divorcedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erchomenos
    ASL Info:    19/F/Montreal
    Elite Ratio:    5.19 - 260/85/19
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 1230
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 907



    Description:
       I contemplated the idea of setting this up as a poem, but in the end decided that it was better set up as a very short story/flash fiction. Still not 100% certain though, so thoughts would be appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDivorcedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The wind breathes through the house, stirring papers in empty rooms where the lights have been off for months. His absence weaves tornadoes, in through the windows and out through the door. In their room she sits, bright scars on her heart where the betrayal seared through her. The thoughts don’t come; an empty chant takes their place: a hollow ache where light once was. And is no more.

    She sees herself rising, flicking the switch, washing her hands in the bathroom off the bedroom. The hush of carpet, the soft pssssssssh of water. The comfortable familiar ease as the suds build up... the silk as the residue is washed down the drain.

    A vision.

    The wind blows through; she’s still on the bed. If she could cry maybe the ache would lessen—maybe the tightness would ease, and the verb "to smile" would become familiar once again.




    Submitted on 2004-06-05 13:04:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this alot. You did not once use the word "alone" or "lonely", yet this piece is so lonely that my heart aches. Again, the language you use here is magnificent.

    My one suggestion: maybe putting quotes around "to smile" might clarify a bit. I stumbled over that sentence in the last staza, and I think the quotes might make the sentence easier to read. Otherwise, terrific job. Please, post more!
    | Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really powerful... especially the end with the verb "to smile" and the vision... how you take us through the motions and then tell that she hasnt actually done it. very well written. i like how it doesnt focus on the pain and deceit and uglyness of divorce but the feelings and motions she is left with... i like it alot.
    | Posted on 2004-06-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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