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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Everythingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bleeding_sin
    ASL Info:    16/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 54/68/57
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 494
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1471



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEverythingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Razzor
    Hidden away
    Close to my heart
    Under my clothes
    Laying there clod

    My pretty clothes
    Hide my scars
    The pain I feel
    Inside
    IS so real

    My eyes glicen
    With tears
    Of all my the regrets
    Of every passed year

    My skin growing tighter
    My bones showing through
    Every bit of food I am given
    Is now put away, hidden

    All these problems
    I can't keep them all hidden
    To many to, lie
    And no one to notices how I die
    inside

    So confused
    DOn't know what to do
    With all these problems
    I JUST WANT to stop eating
    To be as skinny as can be

    I want relife
    As I lay down
    To be able to excape from everything
    ANd not be able to wear a frown
    And it is the only thing that knows
    It can't tell

    I want to stop crying
    Over a broken heart
    ONly cause a guy
    Threw one dart
    ANd it hit my heart

    I can't show my scars
    Theres to many stories behind them
    Everyone would get so worried
    About a stuiped thing
    Only cause
    I hurt myself
    Doesn't mean there to blam

    I have all these problems
    And I don't know what to do
    Can someone help
    I'm always so bllue




    Submitted on 2007-01-28 13:27:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I don't even know where to start.
    It feels like I've already read this a thousand times before.
    You can't spell very well.
    You need more descriptions. Expand on things. Put yourself into it. Maybe throw in some fancy metaphors every once in a while, you know? Make it original. Instead of just saying "problems," explain (in a poetic way) what those problems are.

    I could relate to every word you said without having to put any thought into it.

    I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying it could be better.

    And always remember, if you don't hope for anything, you can't be disappointed.

    Have the best day ever
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


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    133331

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