[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Everythingdots

    Author: bleeding_sin
    ASL Info:    16/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 54/68/57
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 546
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1471


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Hidden away
    Close to my heart
    Under my clothes
    Laying there clod

    My pretty clothes
    Hide my scars
    The pain I feel
    IS so real

    My eyes glicen
    With tears
    Of all my the regrets
    Of every passed year

    My skin growing tighter
    My bones showing through
    Every bit of food I am given
    Is now put away, hidden

    All these problems
    I can't keep them all hidden
    To many to, lie
    And no one to notices how I die

    So confused
    DOn't know what to do
    With all these problems
    I JUST WANT to stop eating
    To be as skinny as can be

    I want relife
    As I lay down
    To be able to excape from everything
    ANd not be able to wear a frown
    And it is the only thing that knows
    It can't tell

    I want to stop crying
    Over a broken heart
    ONly cause a guy
    Threw one dart
    ANd it hit my heart

    I can't show my scars
    Theres to many stories behind them
    Everyone would get so worried
    About a stuiped thing
    Only cause
    I hurt myself
    Doesn't mean there to blam

    I have all these problems
    And I don't know what to do
    Can someone help
    I'm always so bllue

    Submitted on 2007-01-28 13:27:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I don't even know where to start.
    It feels like I've already read this a thousand times before.
    You can't spell very well.
    You need more descriptions. Expand on things. Put yourself into it. Maybe throw in some fancy metaphors every once in a while, you know? Make it original. Instead of just saying "problems," explain (in a poetic way) what those problems are.

    I could relate to every word you said without having to put any thought into it.

    I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying it could be better.

    And always remember, if you don't hope for anything, you can't be disappointed.

    Have the best day ever
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Stretto written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]