[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Till Lust Do We Partdots

    Author: Acid
    ASL Info:    17/M/Newport, WA
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 103/159/76
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 671
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 672


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTill Lust Do We Partdots

    Till lust do we part,
    Six feet under, we drop.
    We smile with lunacy now,
    Our pristine faces bent helplessly.

    Till our blood lets itself,
    And the pleasantries stop.
    Lost like our passion,
    Reverting to nothing.

    Till we decide,
    To kill or be killed.
    Because the knife,
    It stabs two at once.

    Till our skulls crumble,
    Beneath the feet of our children.
    Leave us, as dust to the wind,
    Lonely and forggoten.

    Till this poem stops,
    Like the love letters burnt.
    When my hand quits this,
    And these two may rest.

    Submitted on 2007-01-29 11:04:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      delightful. like chocolate hmmm.

    "Till lust do we part,
    Six feet under, we drop.
    We smile with lunacy now,
    Our pristine faces bent helplessly."

    reminds me of HIM meets Cradle of Filth. wonderful

    i know i know it's not quite a in depth and wordy as some comment but i think you get it.

    ~shadow xox

    | Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      you have a way with words that doesnt fail to enchant me....

    the piece is a breathing, bleeding mass of love and hatred, bitterness and longing alll rolled up into a pretty little package with ribbons and bows, rhymes and flow

    i wonder if perhaps the speaker felt that the "till lust do we part" obviously reflecting "till death do us part" was as much a curse as an endearing avowal?

    it makes me think and smile and still feel the poem pulsing, living.....

    "Till this poem stops,
    Like the love letters burnt.
    When my hand quits this,
    And these two may rest."

    i loved this part the best, it was like the heart of the entire piece, it unraveled it, ended it and yet continued it in my mind....the words are magnificient, the flow superb, but it is the feel of this piece that really draws me to it, like moths to a flame.....you have an extraodrnary talent, keep it up!!!
    | Posted on 2007-01-31 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Linger written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Wavelength written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Break Up written by WriteSomething




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]