annabelle's ankle by Melora

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Submission Name: annabelle's ankle dots

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Author:	Melora
Elite Ratio:	3.28 - 175/198/128
Words:	148

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	1410
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	840

Description:
i'm not talking to annabelle. i'm talking to someone else about annabelle.

annabelle's ankle dots

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it wasn’t awkward until you said
“this is awkward.”
well, now it is.
cause i almost asked
if you still got chills when the cuffs of her jeans
slid up an inch and through the fray of being tread on
you could see her socks taper at the ankle?
or if, perhaps, while she stretched in the seat in front of you
the hem of her shirt rode up an inch
and when you saw the small of her back, a sliver of elastic
on the waistband of her cute sky-blue undies, with little white hearts—
when you saw the small of her back, did you get chills all the way down to yours?
i guess you could tell i was dying to ask
because after a pause you shifted uncomfortably
and it wasn’t awkward until you said
“this is awkward.”
well, now it is.

Submitted on 2007-01-29 15:11:14 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Is the person you are talking to a guy? I'm just guessing that it is a guy since he gets a thrill of seeing her "sky-blue undies", the "small of her back", and her "ankle". I can see the underwear one, sure, but the other two seem so...1800s/early 1900s-ish. Even a little bit of skin was erotic then. Their bathing suits were like full blown dresses!

"and it wasn’t awkward until you said
“this is awkward.”
well, now it is." --> it is awkward for a girl to ask a guy about a girl. At least, that's how I see it. It's awkward.

Well, now it is.

Heh.

This is a neat little vignette that just seems to have appeared. It just originated right here in the desert of your writing...

| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
  it's like a snapshot of a moment magnified. a nervous sentence and a curiosity that seems grown out of jealousy and a focus on details that hint at a lust you wish wasn't. then the poem flows perfectly full circle back again to that "this is awkward" akwardness and the cycle effect draws out the moment, like how time slows right down to enjoy the tension.

and the poem doesn't even mention annabelle's name, she's just a she, a rival her who unfortunately has to be.

i like how very human it is.
| Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
  Excellent Job with this one
In this write you spoke of what goes through a womans mind when she knows her supposed soulmates eyes are drifting looking at other woman
Really well worded
I enjoyed this!!
God Bless
Ron

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I loved your poem. So often I read poems that are plagued by easy rhyming patterns that lack true origionality. Yours however, was a breath of fresh air. I love how you give so much detail over such a split moment that often time goes over looked. You paint a beautiful scenerio. I also really liked how you were able to tie in the ending with the beginning, it really made for a brillant poem. Great write... If you get a chance feel free to check out some of my poetry. I write very similar to you and I think you will like it. Take care and keep writing...
| Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by StevenJay | [ Reply to This ]
  Akward are moments that one doesn't know how to adequately handel the situation that they are currently involved in. Nothing should be akward if you keep your head on straight.
| Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by dustinamoody | [ Reply to This ]
  This is nice, I know how it is when somethings fine till someone says otherwise. Guess it can just go up or down hill from there. Anyways, nice write, its detailed and I can see you really care for this person. The way you descuribe everything is really cool and it makes it easy to picture in your mind. Good luck on any future poems!
~*~
-Sas
| Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by Sasafraz | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.