[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Camisoles and hailstormsdots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1074
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCamisoles and hailstormsdots

    why can't i be
    the one with the lace camisole
    basking in the hailstorm
    of a thousand blown kisses
    only to find her ratty hair
    her bright eyes
    to grow smoother, brighter?

    why can't i be
    the one with the streets blocked off
    to appeal to her needs,
    for the most addicted
    get what they most desire
    and i'm left with nothing?

    why can't i be
    alone? she'll ask to a darkened image
    lurking beyond her peripheral vision
    and i'll reply
    why can't i not be?

    this will echo across the fields of pearl
    where our subjects will bow, knees dirty
    grass stains along spines
    and then silence.

    Submitted on 2004-06-05 13:43:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you ever listen to dashboard confessional? the story depicted in this piece is something i would imagine would be a music video for them. the emo-sadness of wanting to be everything for someone who perhaps wants nothing to do with you. or at least that's what i took away from this. don't worry - it may just be my sad panda frame of mind at the moment. beautiful pictures you've painted, tinged with the longing of desperate tears left unshed in glassy, wide eyes. great write! =]

    | Posted on 2004-06-06 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      So you have a famous friend? Hmmm....I'm not sure but I like guessing who you and the other person are and what your relationship is, or if she knows you at all. An interesting and well-written read.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Shi written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]