[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Camisoles and hailstormsdots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1091
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCamisoles and hailstormsdots

    why can't i be
    the one with the lace camisole
    basking in the hailstorm
    of a thousand blown kisses
    only to find her ratty hair
    her bright eyes
    to grow smoother, brighter?

    why can't i be
    the one with the streets blocked off
    to appeal to her needs,
    for the most addicted
    get what they most desire
    and i'm left with nothing?

    why can't i be
    alone? she'll ask to a darkened image
    lurking beyond her peripheral vision
    and i'll reply
    why can't i not be?

    this will echo across the fields of pearl
    where our subjects will bow, knees dirty
    grass stains along spines
    and then silence.

    Submitted on 2004-06-05 13:43:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you ever listen to dashboard confessional? the story depicted in this piece is something i would imagine would be a music video for them. the emo-sadness of wanting to be everything for someone who perhaps wants nothing to do with you. or at least that's what i took away from this. don't worry - it may just be my sad panda frame of mind at the moment. beautiful pictures you've painted, tinged with the longing of desperate tears left unshed in glassy, wide eyes. great write! =]

    | Posted on 2004-06-06 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      So you have a famous friend? Hmmm....I'm not sure but I like guessing who you and the other person are and what your relationship is, or if she knows you at all. An interesting and well-written read.
    | Posted on 2004-06-05 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Bond written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]