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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fear pt 6, Those Who Remaindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: djtswing
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 88/95/74
    Words: 769
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4816



    Description:
       pt 6, feed back highly valued and appreciated!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFear pt 6, Those Who Remaindots
    -------------------------------------------


    The now rescued man stares at Ramses with his eyes buldging forth. Looking down he catches a gilmpse Ramses' sword. At this sight he tips over unconscious.

    The three carry on in their journy, the newest member being carried. By the look in the face of Ramses, he was tired of carrying the extra weight. If he didn't need him so bad, Ramses would have left him for dead.

    "Umm, Ramses, why do the Fear disappear when they die ?" asked David.

    "Fear spawn from darkness, and they depart in it," replied Ramses.

    "I don't have years to listen to your rambling, I deserve to have some straight answers for once!" argued David, now frustrated.

    "Fine, Fear don't die. They were formed in the dark depths of hell. They are formed of the undeparted souls of the vanquished. So we must put them to rest, good enough ?" Ramses replied.

    "Good enough for now," mumbled David.

    By now the other man was awake. He had been listening to what was said long enough to pick up the subject. He thought to himself before he spoke.

    "Those who remain, I've heard the stories. I never dreamed they were real and that I would relive them," he said.

    "Introductions are due. I am Ramses, he is David. We are your rescuers," said Ramses.

    "My name is Dan, pleased to meet you. Sad that our meeting was in such a way," said Dan.

    "You said you have heard of those who remain, where did you hear that ? And what were you told of them ?" questioned Ramses in a tone that demanded an answer.

    'Ugh not more' thought David. 'I've heard enough of this nonsense, why can't I just wake up.'

    -----Set me free-----

    "Well, my father used to tell me stories. He was not always home, so I cherised every word he spoke. From what I remember, those who remain were souls who wouldn't submit, or something like that," said Dan.

    "You are correct. Those who remain are the souls who would not submit to the demonic authority. Therefore they were exiled to a spiritual rift. The others became Fears. The Guild's job is to free the captives," said Ramses.

    The two rambled on for a great while. David lost track of the conversation, after a while he just tuned them out. 'Spiritual rift, captives, whatever,' thought David.

    David began to get a headache. The pain increased, so stopped to sit down. The other two sat down opposite him and kept talking.

    Voices swirled throughout David's head. Images flashed, images of Fear and his hometown.

    ------Release us------

    Then there was a long silence within his mind. He blacked out and felt trapped in his own mind. The silence was killing him. Suddenly a voice broke the silence.

    ------Behind you------

    David awoke and shook his head. The message rung in his. He sprung to his feet ripping the blade from his sheath. He spun around and to his astonishment a Fear towered over him.

    "What is it David ?" asked Ramses, still engrossed in his conversation.

    Receiving no reply Ramses looked up. His face grew pale as he beheld the sight. There stood a Fear, towering over them all. Judging by his own height, the Fear must have been seven feet tall.

    It hissed and with a swipe of its claw it blew David against a tree. Ramses made a move for his blade, but his attempt was in vain. Before he knew what happened he was in the Fear's grasp.

    "Rigamaine," said Ramses and Dan in sync under their breathe.

    Dan grabbed his staff dodging the Fear's other claw. He stared down the beast while racking his mind to remember the stories. He finally remembered the words his father had spoken to him.

    Dan raised his staff and yelled out, "Atman reeh ooh bannche!"

    The wind picked up, reaching twenty mph in seconds. The speed continued to increase at an unreal rate. Sickles flew by striking the Fear.

    "A summoner ?" said Ramses in complete astonishment.

    The Fear began to lose its grip. Eventually Ramses wiggled himself free. The Fear became wounded and retreated. Darkness swept over the land then left. It took the Fear with it.

    "Amazing, you can summon the spirits of the free," said Ramses.

    "Yeah, my dad told me how. But first, I think your buddy here needs some help," said Dan.




    Submitted on 2007-01-29 15:15:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well I don't have any real suggestions as to fixing except this :

    "Fine, Fear don't die. They were formed in the dark depths of hell. They are formed of the undeparted souls of the vanquished. So we must put them to rest, good enough ?" Ramses replied.

    I'd make it 'darkest depths'...just reads better and 'They are formed from the undeparted souls' as it also reads better.

    There is a bit more of questions I have too I guess...as to the departed and vanquished. Maybe you could give us some more insight as to what they are and how all that came about.

    Other then that I'm in awe of this story...and I will continue to be a faithful reader as I just want to know more and more.

    Awsome...I also like the way David has become more in-tune with his destiny and can sense things even before Ramses.

    In awe and waiting for more,
    kelly
    | Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


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