[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lost (Betrayed Me part 2)dots

    Author: TwistedMinded
    ASL Info:    23/m/San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    1.74 - 82/109/32
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1289
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 890

       Lost is a story about a young man losin some one special in his heart and questions god.
    To understand this poem, you got to read
    "Betrayed Me" .
    I decided to make "Betrayed Me" a 3 or 4 part story
    because i got a lot of good feed back on in it

    look out for the next chapter

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost (Betrayed Me part 2)dots

    Man I shed blood and shattered my soul
    Took a journey threw the world with my mind spinning out of control
    Like giving a lighter and a cigarette to a kid
    Donít know what to do with it
    I was giving this world and you fucking
    Screwed with it

    Lost like a needle in a hay stack
    Stuck like an phenin addict with crack
    Ever since you left me down
    I donít know what to think
    It feels like the devil has the answer
    For every everything;
    For pain thereís drugs
    For anger thereís fights
    For safety thereís guns
    For believe thereís none

    Why so much freedom and peace
    With so much consequences beneath
    Why did you betray me?
    I hate thinking like this
    "Give her back to me Jesus!!!"
    "Dont make me tell the truth!!"

    Submitted on 2007-01-31 02:36:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ah, very nice sequel to the earlier poem. Though I have to agree with some of the comments made on the other poem, i personally believe that cussing anger is just a substitute word for something more creative. But, I do have to admit, it fits very nicely.

    "Like giving a lighter and a cigarette to a kid
    Donít know what to do with it"

    My favorite line, I like the confusion here as well as maybe a possible temptation. Nice imagery, love it. <3

    "Give her back to me Jesus!!!"
    "Dont make me tell the truth!!"

    Is my second favorite verse because it ends it with such a "BANG" and really makes you think about the narrator and the way he doesn't want to face his fear.

    I really do like this and I hope to read more of it <3
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one alot. It is very strong. I am sorry I don't quite understand what happened but I am sorry what did. I want you to know that everyone has a time. A time to eat. A time to leave. A time to smile. And a time die. Even if it is not your time to say good bye. She had to leave for a reason. You will never know. Until it is your time. Death is a horriable thing. I should know. My friendship with someone has come to the end. She has killed my very soul. Betrayed me in some many ways possiable. Keep on writing until the anger is all gone. But this was a very good poem. I love the emotoin in it.

    Keep on writing


    P.S. ever need to talk I am here. :)
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by bleeding_sin | [ Reply to This ]
      A fascinating sequel to Betrayed Me. The comparisons are unique. You have a innovative way of thinking. Questioning beliefs and shaking the core of the soul.

    "I was giving this world and you [censored]
    Screwed with it"

    I think this is my favorite line. Why? Because the anger surges out of this statement.
    The sequel happens to be better than the original.
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by LovelyGoddess | [ Reply to This ]
      as much as i F U C K I N G hate you.....i actually have to give you props for this.....nice...for once
    | Posted on 2007-01-31 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]