Description: i dont want to straight out reveal my conceit. i think thats part of the fun of reading the poem. just take a look at all of the imagery and what it could relate to. (besides an actual cave)heres another hint: look at the words like bite, gnawing, lick, scream, etc... "squirming monster down below" is actually a _____... yaa....
The Cave -------------------------------------------
I would have assumed that this work was ambiguous and jarred on purpose anyway, even if you had not explained it in your description.
The fire image is good, relating to the bats in a weird way but still relating, however you have spelt "silent" as "silient".
I'm still examining the metaphor, will PM you when I'm certain of it.
I think you've done a wonderful job portraying the idea of the cave. It reads itself very easily and it shows a clear direction towards what you were aiming to say.
The only problem i think was your structure in your poem. Usually when a write rhymes, it's not directly visible to the eyes until maybe finishing the first stanza. I've noticed it right away. And the way you've done it shows that you didn't plan this poem through. Or maybe you did who knows, i just don't see the pattern in you piece. This makes this beautiful write into every other write.
I think if you revise it and see if you can feel the images you've created, then you'd make wonderful progress. Still, this is a unique write in itself. I doubt many people will choose to write on such subject. You did and i congradulate you.
While I enjoyed the poem itself, the rhyme scheme was sloppy. You've rhymed some things three times, so things twice, some not at all, with no exact pattern. Is there a method to your madness with that? There may very well be, but I don't see it.