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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Apologydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 565
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 643



    Description:
       Ohk So I Had A Fight With My Bf And This Is What I Managed To Write At Like 4am I Know I Can Be Improved But How?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Apologydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Llife Just Isnt Easy Its Just Not Meant To Be
    The Perfect Fairytale Ending I Was Expecting To See
    But The Mistakes Ive Made Have Ruined Us
    And For That Im Truly Sorry
    I May Not Be An Angel No Matter What You Think
    But I Am A Young Girl Prepared To Tell You This
    I Love You More Then Words Could Say
    More Then I Can Ever Show
    So Please Forgive My Appology Its Not The Best I Know
    But Its Written From Deep In my Heart A Place You Do Not Know
    So THis Is All I Have TO Say
    I Will Just End It Here
    With Just These Simple Little Words
    I Love You Its Sincere




    Submitted on 2007-02-01 16:46:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i did nothing wrong i got angry at him and told him to piss off and he went to work and i was scraed that he hated me so i wrote that
    | Posted on 2007-08-31 00:00:00 | by AngelinDisguise | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi,

    Slight re-write:

    Words of sincerity
    to try and remedy
    the storm that left us: broken and insecure

    Not an angel, as you thought
    but a real life story
    of a person with a big heart,
    and a ruined fairy tale.
    So let me end this here and say
    "I'm sorry and love you and am her to stay"

    Not sure if this is what you wanted to say but this is what could be salvaged from those lines in the top part, try to look at what you want to say, when you want to say how you want to say, the words you used is good, the thought behind and the idea good as well. But the thought in the poem jumped around, and needed to be sorted, other than that, you have talent, try and focus and keep your eye on the ball or thought. Try and read other peoples work and see what they do, and try and get behind the thought of each line.

    I'll have a look at your other work as well.

    Keep writing, don't stop

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this was a great poem. i liked the story in it
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by crazyinsane | [ Reply to This ]
      must of did something preatty bad huh besides that sounds real comes from the heart thought id read an girls poem or write havent been on here for awhile so if i do post one would be kool if u can comment on mine havent been writting poetry for awhile so hope all is good for u and have better days, tyson
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      The thought and the story is beautiful here, Stacey!
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The unnesessary capital letters take away from the way the poem is suppose to be read. They are distracting. You could have arranged your stanzas differently. It's a bit hard to understand because you have more than one thought in a line. That would be fine, but you don't have any punctuation to seperate the thoughts. Other than that I thought it was 'okay'. It's not your best, but it's not that bad either.
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by numbertwenty | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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