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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i'll be heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ali Marie
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 105/106/76
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 412



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi'll be heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    you smell like summer dressed in green
    yet you give me chills that only winter leaves.
    if i reach out my hand, will i feel the warmth of your palm?
    or will i feel a gentle breeze, like a void, in this calm?
    when you talk like no one's listening,
    when you think that you're alone,
    i'll be here to contradict you,
    and then to walk you home.




    Submitted on 2007-02-01 20:55:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The lack of capitalization really bothers me. In order to comment further, I need to fix that:

    You smell like summer dressed in green
    yet you give me chills that only winter leaves.
    If I reach out my hand, will I feel the warmth of your palm?
    Or will I feel a gentle breeze, like a void, in this calm?
    When you talk like no one's listening,
    when you think that you're alone,
    I'll be here to contradict you,
    and then to walk you home.

    Ok..better. I just took your poem (copy/paste) and capitalized words as the English language tells us too. This might be my education that makes me do this. If it's a part of your style, I'm sorry.

    Now I can see the rhythm, which is very well developed. The ideas are cohesive and give this poem it's own special flair.

    kudos,
    orange
    | Posted on 2008-04-16 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      its short and i think thats good because as it is its simple and sweet but if it were a little longer it would just be rambling and redundant. i liked it, i think you chose your words well.
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem has great rhythm. I love the last two lines. It's very true, and calm. Kind of like a lullaby in the summer. Nice work. :)
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      This is deep, dark and speaks to me, so you better know what your up to (jokes)
    I really like your writing style, this piece is well expressed and very unique
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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