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    dots Submission Name: Cellar Doordots

    Author: huntingjonathon
    ASL Info:    31/M/San Fran
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 69/117/61
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1188
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 861


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    dotsCellar Doordots

    Covered in filth of
    my own choosing
    outside the cellar doors that
    lock you in,

    I have no dancing ladies
    of apocalyptic velvetries,
    no swan song of
    autos foreign-made.

    Your capitalistic heroines
    laid to rest at
    the door everything

    No, no,
    not anymore.

    I choose to sing of
    virtues of humanism;

    virtues, however,
    not humanly born.

    So, you choose to
    walk away unenlightened,
    unhappy and frightened
    dancing to the dissonance
    of your hard-heeled

    I tried to crack them
    bomb them and sack them,
    as I stood
    outside the sealed

    cellar doors.

    -jonathon shank

    Submitted on 2007-02-01 21:31:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "I have no dancing ladies
    of apocalyptic velvetries,
    no swan song of
    autos foreign-made. "

    I think this is great. You appeal to the practical side of me, on one had I feel it would be beautiful and deeply spiritual to believe in these 'dancing ladies'. On the other, I feel it would be foolish to give in to the illusion. I have to say this was very well thought out and composed. Very straight.

    sincerest affections
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by madhatress | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't have that much to add to waht everyone else has said... I REALLY like this piece. It has great imagery. I agree with Andz. You do just get right to the point. Good job.
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Disagree; the ending is great as well.
    Swift pictures it conjures up with me.
    I like that style of writing, no fill just getting to the point.
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by Andz | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...I'm really out of words to say, this is great. Adding it to my favourites, I dunno it might just be 'cause of all the big words my brain can't handle...But I liked it a lot. I just think it could have used a better ending
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by Apple-Man | [ Reply to This ]

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