Description: okay lets put it this way i was PISSED..........
and i know it's not very good, so just tell me what you think.
i look around at all this shit
i think its more than i can take
sometimes i just lay down and break.
i look around at all this hate and think,
this refinement is not so great
so i take to the blade
as my eyes turn from blue to gray.
That picture that you gave,
I ripped it up today
it doesn't matter anymore.
pain cuts me to the core
the core to my soul
sometimes this scene just gets old
what i feel is not the same as what i think
i cant tell right from wrong
it all feels wrong
how do i get rid of all this pain?
i ponder this until i feel myself no longer sane.
i think ive taken more then a human being can take. sometimes i just lay down and break,
today ill just lay down and break
for now i'll just lay down and ...
i hope your glad with what you've done
this game you're playing really is no fun
not as fun as you said it'd be
maybe one day you'll see
that we will never be
and as far as you and i go
go back to your mother fucking hoes
go back to your one nightstands,
and lame bands
im so done with all your shit
sometimes you just make me sick.
one day you'll look back at this
and realize your mistake
realize your a fake;
i like it. we all feel like this sometimes. it has a kind of rappy feel. i write lyrics a lot when im mad too because you're thinking of a song or something you can just throw in thier face when they arent expecting it. keep writing. its not as bad as you say it is.
i was in my room smokeing and erica hollered for my to come read this she said that it was dam good
thanks alot for interupting my smoke but it was worth it
this poem is dam good
it shows the anger and the regret that comes from being hurt and hopeing that they know what they lost and that they live to regret it
just know that your not the only one that has felt this way
oo ooo the potential is chilling. i have to quote my art teach and say 'its the last 10% that'll make or break a piece" just run over it and this could be outstanding. clearly it's something that you feel very strong, which'll make the refinment a breeeze..
keep 'em comm'en
Again, lots of pure raw emotion and great ideas. But the way you present them is too harsh and too rash...The wonder of poetry is taking your ideas and transforming them into beauty, even if the content is angry or gloom. Refining is the key to any skill or art.