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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sometimes dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: XmaryjaneX
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 142/38/9
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1173
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1585



    Description:
       okay lets put it this way i was PISSED..........
    and i know it's not very good, so just tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSometimes dots
    -------------------------------------------


    sometimes
    i look around at all this shit
    i think its more than i can take
    sometimes i just lay down and break.
    i look around at all this hate and think,
    this refinement is not so great
    so i take to the blade
    as my eyes turn from blue to gray.
    That picture that you gave,
    I ripped it up today
    it doesn't matter anymore.
    pain cuts me to the core
    the core to my soul
    sometimes this scene just gets old
    what i feel is not the same as what i think
    i cant tell right from wrong
    it all feels wrong
    you feel
    so wrong
    how do i get rid of all this pain?
    i ponder this until i feel myself no longer sane.

    i think ive taken more then a human being can take. sometimes i just lay down and break,
    today ill just lay down and break
    for now i'll just lay down and ...
    i hope your glad with what you've done
    this game you're playing really is no fun
    not as fun as you said it'd be
    maybe one day you'll see
    that we will never be
    and as far as you and i go
    GO BACK

    go back to your mother fucking hoes
    go back to your one nightstands,
    all nighters,
    and lame bands
    im so done with all your shit
    sometimes you just make me sick.
    one day you'll look back at this
    and realize your mistake
    realize your a fake;

    and then you'll just lay down and break.




    Submitted on 2007-02-05 16:24:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i like it. we all feel like this sometimes. it has a kind of rappy feel. i write lyrics a lot when im mad too because you're thinking of a song or something you can just throw in thier face when they arent expecting it. keep writing. its not as bad as you say it is.






    tina
    | Posted on 2007-06-27 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Exactly right. Amazing the transformation some layout changes can do... Brava.

    <3 N
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
      i was in my room smokeing and erica hollered for my to come read this she said that it was dam good
    thanks alot for interupting my smoke but it was worth it
    this poem is dam good
    it shows the anger and the regret that comes from being hurt and hopeing that they know what they lost and that they live to regret it
    just know that your not the only one that has felt this way

    live and learn
    DRDJ
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Dark Romeo89 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.. I like this... its so goin on my favs. Grace, you are really talented. i love it i love it i love it. I dont know what else to say. its breath taking.
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by DrkRomeo_sGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      oo ooo the potential is chilling. i have to quote my art teach and say 'its the last 10% that'll make or break a piece" just run over it and this could be outstanding. clearly it's something that you feel very strong, which'll make the refinment a breeeze..
    keep 'em comm'en
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, lots of pure raw emotion and great ideas. But the way you present them is too harsh and too rash...The wonder of poetry is taking your ideas and transforming them into beauty, even if the content is angry or gloom. Refining is the key to any skill or art.

    <3 N
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
      another good piece from you..really like the chaotic writing of it, you just have to write it fast as it comes through your mind...Ive done quite a few of those myself...lol keep it up!! :)
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]


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