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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Mirrordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: XmaryjaneX
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 142/38/9
    Words: 447
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1602
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2614



    Description:
       something i wrote for this bastard before i found out what it was like to have your heart ripped out and stompped on.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Mirrordots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look into the mirror and hate what I see.

    Hating what I use to be and what I am.

    How could anyone ever love me?

    But you did, you helped me see the beauty in me;

    you brighten my day when clouds seem to envelope my
    skies...

    I'd give anything and everything to gaze into your eyes

    all the years of sorrow and pain;

    when I never thought I could love again.

    I resented you that I know is true for loving me.

    I just could'nt bear to disappoint again; to hate again;

    to be hated.

    These scars on my wrists and arms

    could bring any theoripist, or doctor to alarms.

    I 've never been much for self pity, but all the screaming
    and hatred could make the strongest of armies seem
    ity-bity.


    The chaos and drama could drive the Barkers up the wall,

    or even make Jerry Springer squawl.

    I've always been the one to take care of everyone else;

    worrying about others pain instead of mine,

    ignoring the fact

    that i was walking around

    with broken insides.

    No one noticed because they were too blind to see,

    but I was always there when they needed me....

    how could they betray me?

    No matter, all thats over and done.

    I've stepped out of the darkness and into the sun,

    but I never could have done it without you.

    Babe, I'd take a bullet for you.

    You've soewn together my once shattered heart.

    Piece by precious piece,

    you've given me a brand new start.

    I plead with you now, please don't tear it back apart.

    You are beautiful inside and out.

    Why you would have anything to do with me

    is just so hard for me to comprehend, or see.

    I cannot hide, I love you with everything thats inside.

    I cannot put you aside,

    or put you out of my mind.

    You have no idea of the shit I'd take,

    just to be in your arms when I awake.

    You're my moon who gives me light in darkness,

    my stars to sing lullabies and to guide me when I'm lost.

    I'll love you now and forever regardless the cost.




    Submitted on 2007-02-05 16:53:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      One smal misspell: "soewn" is spelled either "sown" (as in seeded) or "sewn" (as in knitted together, usually with thread). Both would work.

    Love always seems so huge when we are unsure of ourselves. It can be overwhelming and awesome. And when it ends we often have a tendency to blame ourselves for it's collapse.

    The alternating between joyful calmness and jolting plunges into the abyss of brokenhearted gives your readers a sense of insecurity.

    A very nice piece. A very sad reflection in the mirror. Keep looking, the more we find ourselves, the clearer, and more beautiful the reflection becomes.

    Take Care,

    Chell
    | Posted on 2007-04-04 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this a few times and enjoyed it. It reminds me of a life lesson I learned not too long ago about how important it is to cherish those who love you, regardless of whether or not you love them back in the same way. Throughout your life, everyone will become factored in eventually, and the ones you step over to reach the unreachable...will be the ones you grow old to miss. A few notes:
    Since this is a very personal piece, I'd go ahead and throw in a name, or at least a nick name(other than babe)..something to seal it up as something part of you. Doesn't have to exploit anyone, but may be more self serving than anything(which I find good for poetry)
    Secondly, the middle kind of strays from the title. Its good, but it makes me crave a more elaborate or longer title.

    But I enjoyed reading this very much. Keep up the good work.

    MyX

    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this peice also... Grace... YOur ausome.. your writing is ausome. This hase so much expression in it.. i love the way you put your words between love and hate. I like the way you used jerry springer's name... even with all the love and pain that made me smile.

    all around great poem .
    keep it up

    erica
    | Posted on 2007-02-11 00:00:00 | by DrkRomeo_sGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece had some great ideas and thoughts woven in it. There were some beautiful pieces of just straight emotion which were brilliant. But it was a little rough on the grammar and layout. Overall it was a decent piece.
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
      very nicely written piece, only a couple of spelling errors (therapist, itty)~sorry do that to everybody :P love when poetry is born of pure raw emotion, often produces excellent work
    keep it up and welcome to Elite!! :)
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]


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