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    dots Submission Name: Burning Eyesdots

    Author: wovenwords
    ASL Info:    19/F/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 108/303/189
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1496
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1057


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurning Eyesdots

    I stared at your letter too long.
    Itís dangerous, the words blend together
    Itís precarious, the words become something new
    How can you account for my burning eyes?

    Staring out the window of a barreling bus,
    Itís peculiar; I saw your reflection behind me
    Itís curious, when I turned, you werenít there
    How can you account for my burning eyes?

    Lights burn brighter in the dead hours of night
    Itís irritating; my work sits and stares me in the face
    Itís exasperating, Iím making math problems out of us
    How can you account for my burning eyes?

    The fog in the park is hanging low
    Itís strange; it doesnít frighten me tonight
    Itís extraordinary, my thoughts could fill up the empty air
    How can you account for my burning eyes?

    Letters, buses, lights, fog,
    Itís terrible, youíre everywhere.
    Itís perilous, itís unusual, itís irksome, itís bizarre...
    How can you account for my burning eyes?

    Submitted on 2007-02-05 20:04:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Love the words you use, the way you place them, and how it's all summed up in the last stanza. Some poems with repeating lines can get quite annoying, but yours survived very well.
    | Posted on 2007-04-19 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the repitition of what 'it is.' It flowed really nicely. Great job with the imagery, too. "I'm making math problems out of us" was one of my favorite lines - good use of a metaphor there. Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      this is clever.
    i like it a lot.
    i really want to hear it as a song.
    for some reason, i can't put it into anything that works, so i guess i'd have to hear it from you.
    it reminds me A LOT of one of songs call "Letters and Photographs".
    i'm sorry i'm not being very...descriptive.
    it's late, i should go to sleep.
    i hope to read more soon.

    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah wow. This was really something else. The imagery. Holy [censored], the imagery. The whole poem rang true, I really connected, I really did. I probably sound like some obsessive or something but you nailed it. I liked the repetition of the title and how you kept a pattern, but made every line and stanza feel new and made me want to keep reading. I know how this feels, the thousands of emotions you feel when you've left someone or they've left you. Great job, really. Most certainly a worthy addition to my favorites. Thanks for the awesome write.

    | Posted on 2007-02-05 00:00:00 | by Guernica | [ Reply to This ]

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