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That’s When…


Author: babz9001
ASL Info:    15/ female/ Lloydminster
Elite Ratio:    1.04 - 0 /2 /10
Words: 191
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 817
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1131



Description:


During a fisherman + exodus rehearsal before my first fuel


That’s When…



When life is nothing, only bad
When my only emotion is sad
When everything in the world is wrong
That’s when I turn to a song

I’ll turn the music up so high
I’ll flop on my bed, that’s where I’ll lie
I’ll slightly hug my teddy bear
That’s when I know someone will care

My pillow is wet from crying
My thoughts weigh high on dying
My throat is dry from screaming so loud
That’s when I thought of what I had vowed

I said the pain would go away
I will make it go now, today
I think of what is actually bugging me
That’s when I said I’d take a look and see

Finally I realized it really wasn’t much
Finally I knew I loved life a bunch
Finally I found what I had to do
That’s when I knew this thing was not new

Now I have a smile on my face
Now all bad thoughts are officially erased
Now I can get back to life, how it was
That’s when I did it, just because.

By: Tiffany McKenzie





Submitted on 2007-02-05 21:27:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This poem is simple, and while I think a lot of nitpicking writers will catch you on your very general rhyme scheme, I thought the simplicity of it made it great. The teddy bear part was sweet, and it shows how all of these angsty teenagers who are brooding in the dark are really just little and sad and lonely, and not as angry as they all would appear to be. However, contrary to the rest of your rhyming, bunch and much do not rhyme.I like the first three stanzas, but I think the last three need some work. The repitition of 'finally' seems to deter from the greatness that is this poem. I do like the last stanza, though. It's nice to have a happy spin on a teen-angst poem.
| Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]

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