I am Marlon. I am 22 and Iím a searcher.
I constantly search for answers.
I never believe anything I hear 100% and I tend to form new spiritual viewpoints the second I hear another good sounding perspective.
Consequentially, while I was reading a book on World religion the other night, I reformulated my view on existence every 3 sentences.
One paragraph mentioned Sigmund Freudís opinion that religion ďclosely resembles mental illness.Ē
That caught my attention as I have been known to refer to religion as a manifestation of the underlying obsessive compulsive disorder of society.
And I know that sounds harsh...but it is a concession that religion is necessary.
We need religion to satisfy the parts of us that are going insane with unfulfilled hunger for a mantra or a ritual.
I feel there is spiritual truth in the world. There is a certain sense of well being that religion can give that I donít have.
How did I come to these viewpoints?
Some of it rose from my perception of other people.
Some of it came from observation.
Much of it has to do with being raised without religion.
And besides the non-religious upbringing, my parents are elderly, rigid, unrealistic, and harsh.
For reasons of self preservation, I created my own morals.
Mom has Catholic inclinations, but knowing how to say ďfather, son and the holy ghost" in Spanish is as far as that goes.
My Dad was raised Jewish and hasnít been to temple since his Bar Mitzvah in the 30ís.
He believes in the state and abiding the law.
He lost faith in God when his Dad died during WWII
He is pretty much an atheist.
By Jewish law I am a Catholic.
I have been to church maybe once during adulthood. I went to a few masses as a kid, though.
When I was scared, my Mom would tell me to pray. That did little to help, though, as she didnít actually lend me to believe anything good would come of it, only that it was something to do when scared.
As I grew, I found spirituality in everyday life. Music has spiritual value for me, but sometimes itís not enough. So I am searching.
I believe in a spiritual existence. Iím just not sure in what capacity.
The way I look at it is everyone has scars. Some people have more, and religion helps you deal with it by giving you rituals to focus on a deep, soothing feeling.
John Lennon said it best, ďGod is a concept by which we measure our pain.Ē
That is my perception on the use of religion. But the significance could be deeper; instead of just being a set of mantras or rituals to help you cope, I do believe in a deeper existence of spiritual energy that every religion recgnizes in its own way.
I went through some intense spiritual disharmony in High School, rebelling against everything quite a bit even though I never had a specific thing to rebel against.
I was emotional and spiritual at the time. I was connected with music and anything genuine that gave me a rush.
In one of my more contemplative moments, I explained my idea of existence to a teacher and she thought that I was Buddhist. I was into the concept of cycles of energy at the time.
I didnít pursue enlightenment because of various reasons ranging from laziness to the feeling that I wasnít cut out to be Buddhist thanks to my nervous demeanor.
I trucked on without religion. After some crazy experiences with friends I found myself saying ďThis is so rock n rollĒ in times where most people would say, "Oh GodĒ
I was worshipping all things rock n roll.
Kurt Cobain was my deity.
That hasnít been the most stable path, and out of fear of becoming an alcoholic, I am reevaluating the possibilities.
Iím currently thinking about meditation. Maybe Iíll check out a Buddhist temple on my own time in the future.
Overall, music is still one of the biggest spiritual aspects of my life.
I canít say to what capacity I believe in God. Maybe someday Iíll be able to.
Maybe someday Iíll find the faith my Dad lost a long time ago.