Description: Its a song, I wrote because I was freezing.
Hottest months of the year. -------------------------------------------
So quiet sitting in the back of the class.
A winter coat in June.
Now please someone ask her what the hell is up with that?
Shaky eyes and tempting hands.
Pencil lead breaks under her breath.
A wool scarf in July.
Someone please ask her what the fuck is up with that?
Old dirty shoes making noise so softly.
Leaving foot prints under her desk.
Thick knitted gloves in August.
Would someone please question her as to what is up with that?
Hypothyroidism, a condition not very rare.
Always bone cold, even in the muggiest of air.
No one questioned so no one knew.
Gym class came, and the little girl blew.
Now she got to sit and watch, fucking dirty baby girl.
Didn't want to let anyone into her private world.
And there she would sit so quiet and solemn.
Everybody wondered, but nobody bothered.
Underneath her thermal clothing, a blood disease so rare.
I thought this was incredibly good. It was painfully honest and open. The only thing I feel somewhat subtracted from it was the actual mention of what the problem was. I think if it was taken out (the actual mention of the blood disease and it's name) it would leave more mystery and uniqueness to it.
hey hi i think you discribed a very dark personality here
with all the words combined i see this person as you say sitting by themself with no one noticing
you can carry this on but it kind of leaves the reader filling in the pieces
this entire piece was amazing and was very strong but you really didn't know how to end it.
what i really like about this piece is although you say that it's lyrics, it can be read as a poem, too.
the description was perfect and would never think of something like this for some reason.
i strongly suggest you work on the ending because i like this a lot.