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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shards of Utopiadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: moonlitsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.96 - 70/44/15
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 473



    Description:
       i'd love to hear your interpretation


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShards of Utopiadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stepping on rocks
    Smaller than pinheads
    Watching falling stars
    Flicker
    Pirouette
    Feeding light
    To paradise
    Changing colors
    As they go by
    Reaching closer
    By the minute
    Making the journey
    From heaven
    All the way down
    To purgatory
    Showing humanity
    Eternity's trailer
    A preview of glory
    Which ceases to exist
    Amidst profanity's angels




    Submitted on 2007-02-06 04:45:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is so pretty!

    i love how you said

    "Watching falling stars
    Flicker
    Pirouette
    Feeding light
    To paradise"

    using 'pirouette' to decribe the stars gives the write a dainty, pretty feeling.

    good job
    | Posted on 2007-02-12 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
      a very good poemm wel written and very good use of vocabulary good job n as i see this is ur 4th or 5th so keep writing anyways plz do chceck out loves action/my love in my page n also my other poems like a promise,women etc n comment n oh read who am i??even if u dnt wanna comment
    | Posted on 2007-02-12 00:00:00 | by anooplokur | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with Ronswords: this is an interesting poem.

    I've never thought of shooting starts (at least that is what I think you are refrencing to) are like previews to what lies beyond death.

    I think that some lines could be combined, like

    'Making the journey
    From Heavan'

    would read better as one like. The first stops in the middle of a thought and the second just stops, and it's kind of akward.

    Good write though.
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by Itzunori | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really interesting
    I may be wrong here but Im guessing you are saying us the People of Earth are actually in Purgatory
    If this is what you are saying I must admit this is a very clever idea that actually if you look deep enough at the concept can make sense
    Excellent write!!
    This write definately made me think
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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