Description: I began this piece on new years eve and completed it around that time. It seems to fall into two parts, the first romantic and the second analytical. I kinda like that but let me know what you think. Any suggestions are appreciated.
New Year -------------------------------------------
Today the sun will sink for the last time
The colors fadeing darker
As the year fades into black
and becomes nothing but a memory
Tommarow it will rise for the first time
The sun's light bursting from just above the mountains
will mark the dawn of a new year
and a birth of endless possibilities
But as people's perceptions differ
This point of change in the cycle
means different things for us
because what changes most
Is not what exists in the exterior world
but what lies in our own minds
Agree with the spelling mistakes, should be fixed.
On the other end you get people that does not want to change their mind, but in order to change the exterior, the change must happen inside the person's mind first. That's where most things begin, what we think..
That is why most new year's wishes normally fall short on the execution of it, we loose hope, or get tired to try and loose/gain those extra pounds. The same thing about smoking and exercising more.
So, yes try and get the mind right, agreeing with the essence of the poem.
I agree with jcpdandalice, in that you need to fix those two glaring errors, but apart from that, the poem is good. I like your choice of words for your descriptions, and overall it has a nice flow.
Just fix those two things and it will be a delightful little write :)
simple spelling changes to take care of first: change "fadeing" to fading...and "tommarow" to tommorow...
those are just simple things but as far as content- I honestly like what you are talking about.
I mean I honestly thought some of those same exact things with the turn of the year...and I unfortunately thought that the world around me would have matured somehow or differed to the extent that I might understand the world around me a bit better, and maybe have learned to love it.
unfortunately the only changes that really happened were the ones I couldnt see, where black hearts got darker, and where I actually began to evolve as a person, and degenerate into my past mistakes.
its a nice piece, if people take the time to apply it to their current situation, the past and what may be the future.
Submission Name: New Year
