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    dots Submission Name: Fang Shaped Daggerdots

    Author: XmaryjaneX
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 142/38/9
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 2257
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1630

       wrote this last nite
    tell me what you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFang Shaped Daggerdots

    The days are so long now

    It has all become too real now
    Too real to hold
    And too sick to care
    Your soul I can now see clearly
    Your eyes are fake now
    Lips that speak only lies
    A heart unfaithful
    your spirit's song like siren's calls
    grabs hold
    my given heart
    bringing it its' own death
    on a now blood spilled platter

    I write you love letters in darkness
    with my own blood
    Praying that the ache of my open veins will take away from the longing of my abandoned heart

    And when I can no longer move my torn limbs
    The secrets will be revealed;
    Your outer shell will shatter with the remains of my soul;
    During the while, truth cuts me like a fang shaped dagger

    I just lay here on the blood staind floor
    My tears seeping through
    the crack of eternity's door
    carnations descending from a lover's grasp
    amore no more
    is all i ask
    Just a walking corpse now
    Death is my only prayer
    when did it come to
    The tears come and my wrist again i slit
    Everyone has turned their back on me
    Even the night
    I see couples dancing by a moonlit lake
    and my heart burns from the ache
    Though walking I am empty inside
    My soul no longer resides
    Within this human shell
    And every time i want to look back
    Everytime i want to hope
    I'll remember fang shaped dagger

    The days are so long now.

    Submitted on 2007-02-06 12:22:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Men are really nice til you bang them a few times. Then the ugly parts of their personality come blasting out like watery $hit and whether or not you can endure them, or they can endure your reaction, determines the sucess of the relationship. And once its decided (never mutally) that you should break, its all down scum creek from there.

    I thought there were too many dramatic references to blood and death in this one. I've never been one to sucessfully equate heart break with destruction and decay...even though those pangs in your heart become something insufferable at times. I just can't look at myself as some walking corpse after a woman trashes my heart. I've always felt that self pity is meant for poetry however and if these are the kinds of things that run through your mind when your feeling down...I'm not gonna be the one to tell you that its trite or that you are over reacting. Because our feelings are beyond our control, and our personal interpretations of our feelings are as worthless as the fockers that cause it.

    This write made me smile...as sick as that sounds. I've been there. But I've always moved on without wacking myself (well...you know what i mean.) Nice write.

    | Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      holy moly thats has a lot of thought to it very touching deep emtional poetry well written its almost like what you said i could relate too in my past relationship i can tell you have alot more word flow then me this is an good write i like it alot since when your page doesent tell how old you are im guessing your older then me from reading your poetry seems like it please tell me how old you are doesent ruin anything we have for eachother me 19 til april then ill be 20 wooo almost 21 your poem tells alot about you too like you felt or have an broken heart too tells of the pain you feel, sometimes dont you have regret i do but now im following what ever feeling i have left kind of lost of who iam searching for my self everyday
    once again thank you for reading my poems and giving beautyful comments means alot to me most people i know dont repect poetry i do its not like anybody can be an poet you have to feel loss regret broken heart lonelyness emptyness afraid to me i feel all emtions hey an plus thank you for putting my poems on your favs score for you, yeah you have my permission to make that write an song see what you come up with and for sure we will make an song right go for it shoot for the stars
    so i hope your happy with my comment
    yours truely tyson
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      WoW.... Grace.. I'd have to say , you've really out done yourself. Dont think everyone has turn there backs on you, i havent... I love you girl and i think i know who this is about. Does his name start with a J. Kick his ass to the curb girl, its for your own good. I cant stand seeing you depressed like this. I love you.

    and again wow, so much emotion... i love it...
    its going on my favorites....

    :P love always your best friend forever

    Erica "soon to be " Jolly
    | Posted on 2007-02-11 00:00:00 | by DrkRomeo_sGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... I realy love this poem... I am actually speachless at the momment.. that almost never happens when I read someones writting I usualy have alot to say about it but yours is just.... realy good.. I cant find any flaws.. Well I saw that you had read one of mine and commented me so I am reading what I can (i'm in class
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by allmine | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...this is really cool.it sounds brutal, what with all the explicit, concise imagery...but it is very good.it is so clear and i can really imagine myself seeing someone in blood and being laughed at cruelly!i love the last stanza.
    and the poem's got lots of powerful emotions!i love your work.keep it up!

    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by EsCaPisT | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, lots of emotion in there! I really liked this, though it maybe got a little repetitive in a few places... I kind of started feeling like I had read certain things already, but over all, I really liked it. It's a cliché topic, but you managed to make it your own, and I liked the fang shaped dagger, that's a nice touch. It was easy to read, and easy to understand the emotion and the meanings of your words, so I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing!

    Oh, one thing I did notice. Moon lit is one word, so it's moonlit :D

    Cheers and happy writing!

    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]

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