Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: addicted to toxicitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Charlie Poppins
    ASL Info:    22, female, England
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 71/85/65
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1057
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 610



    Description:
       wrote it a long time ago. not a happy place.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsaddicted to toxicitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You grab my waist and press down on my mind,
    Control me baby, it's ok i don't mind.
    In fact im looking for a little friction,
    Survive on discord and unhappy pictures.
    Fill my life honey, don't mind the taste,
    Nothing of your's will go to waste.
    So give me your all, sweet or sour,
    I'll take anything you've got just to get some power.
    Lights and attention when i feint my own depth,
    Smiling as you catch your breath,
    Winking as i roll onto the floor,
    You don't understand; this is what i live for.




    Submitted on 2007-02-06 17:58:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this poem. The style is a little more modern, so it is harsh instead of elegant. It seems to work for the subject matter. The last line really fit in well with the poem. I don't really understand the first line, though - how do you press down on the mind? Are you being metaphorical, or using a word for brain that sounded more like a rhyme? This poem definitely gets better as it goes on, and the ending ties it in very nicely.
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    134119

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry