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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Widow's Crydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 798



    Description:
       still in the works...
    all suggestions are welcome...
    this is a working title...
    i am still very unsure about the ending.
    this is just another experiment in poetry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWidow's Crydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Creation-
    Infinityís golden tongue
    wields the elements
    like an artistís brushstroke
    upon ivory canvas

    Eternal-
    hands precisely
    sculpt majestic form
    in the marble void of time
    Blazing crimson suns
    blossom upon amethyst whispers

    Inexorably-
    He soars upon the circle
    of the universe
    like a seraph through
    the twilight arch of shattered horizons
    Justice juggernauts
    against profanityís temple
    while grace hangs upon a tree

    Triumphantly-
    Shaddai reigns over existence
    Mountains tremble
    at the roar of completion
    Relentlessly He invades
    the moment
    halted by the faint
    cry of a desperate widow




    Submitted on 2007-02-06 21:13:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Creation-
    Infinityís golden tongue
    wields the elements
    like an artistís brushstroke
    upon ivory canvas

    Eternal-
    hands precisely
    sculpt majestic form
    in the marble void of time
    Blazing crimson suns
    blossom upon amethyst whispers

    Inexorably-
    He soars upon the circle
    of the universe
    like a seraph through
    the twilight arch of shattered horizons
    Justice juggernauts
    against profanityís temple
    while grace hangs upon a tree

    Triumphantly-
    Shaddai reigns over existence
    Mountains tremble
    at the roar of completion
    Relentlessly He invades
    the moment
    halted by the faint
    cry of a desperate widow



    If you've never read "The Divine Romance" by Gene Edwards, you probably should, John Paul. Some of your writing in this post reminds me very much of that novel. This is a great deal simpler and more focused than many of your previous works (except possibly for your haiku), and the close has a remarkably human twist that puts God in the realm He is most suited for; Compassionate Saviour. Though you may not feel comfortable composing in this style, it does suit you. Genius isn't always the length of the poem or the number and complexity of words involved; it's passion, vision and direction in its purest form.

    You definitely did treat each strophe as a brushstroke, J.P.

    Nicely done
    Bill
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the flow of this, and your vocabulary was nice :) It was a pretty original piece, and while I'm not much on free form, this one held a certain appeal for me. I think it was all the imagery, it was very pleasant.

    Nice job :D

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, JP

    It's a lovely picture.

    For a guy who is new to poetry you don't seem like a guy who is new to poetry. Perhaps your talent has been long restrained

    A few thoughts on your offering

    Creation-
    Infinityís golden tongue
    wields the elements
    like an artistís brushstroke
    upon ivory canvas

    I think this fits perfectly with the awe the picture invokes. Nice economy of words.

    Eternal-
    hands precisely
    sculpt majestic form
    in the marble void of time
    Blazing crimson suns
    blossom upon amethyst whispers

    This is pretty abstract. I wasn't sure who was sculpting. The mere mortols or the immortal/eternal being. I liked the way the arches of suns where likened to the curves of a sculture and how we as human must rise in a slow curve toward perfection. Having said that, I could be way the heck of track since I wasn't overly sure about this passage.

    Inexorably-
    He soars upon the circle
    of the universe
    like a seraph through
    the twilight arch of shattered horizons
    Justice juggernauts
    against profanityís temple
    while grace hangs upon a tree

    This was way cool imo. It's like all our imperfect efforts at some kind of perfectyion are smashed like a bull in a china shop.
    I thought the imagery of this and particularly "grace hangs upon a tree" was smashing good stuff.

    Triumphantly-
    Shaddai reigns over existence
    Mountains tremble
    at the roar of completion
    Relentlessly He invades
    the moment
    halted by the faint
    cry of a desperate widow


    The introduction of "Shaddai" was a surprise for me, althought there is a haiku kind of feel to the way this is structured and that I picture this god being asian.

    The close is perfect. Perfection is reached and yet there's the significant cry of an insignificant.

    Intelligent writing and a nice balance shown here between the flashier stuff and substance.

    DB
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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