addiction--
your shaking hands enclose
pretty little bombshell pills
a cigarette slips out of
your mouth put out like
the light in your eyes--
and i survived, told them
you were eaten alive;
consumed by addiction.
Consider revising: the very end. it violates the show don't tell idea. maybe tell us what the other person is addicted to.
Praises: the rest! i loved the part about putting out cigarettes and comparing them to the person's eyes! that was excellent. pretty bombshell pills was excellent to and in an excellent position in the poem.
Overall: (A) the best poem i have read from you yet. very good indeed, i am sure i could had done no better. your talent for a young age is considerable.
Submission Name: addiction.
