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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: addiction.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: narcolepsy
    ASL Info:    19/F/Pa
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 129/135/60
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 806
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 269



    Description:
       second metaphor poem for creative writing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsaddiction.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    addiction--
    your shaking hands enclose
    pretty little bombshell pills
    a cigarette slips out of
    your mouth put out like
    the light in your eyes--
    and i survived, told them
    you were eaten alive;
    consumed by addiction.




    Submitted on 2007-02-07 08:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Consider revising: the very end. it violates the show don't tell idea. maybe tell us what the other person is addicted to.

    Praises: the rest! i loved the part about putting out cigarettes and comparing them to the person's eyes! that was excellent. pretty bombshell pills was excellent to and in an excellent position in the poem.

    Overall: (A) the best poem i have read from you yet. very good indeed, i am sure i could had done no better. your talent for a young age is considerable.
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by tjsmith5 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this, it was short clever, to the point and just overall good. Nice style.
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

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