Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Damneddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 470



    Description:
       bored


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDamneddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shadows grow darker.
    The sun forgot him,
    Locked out of the light
    Fleeing the monsters
    Screaming prayers that fall upon deaf ears.
    There are no stars in his world,
    No glimmer in his eyes.
    His soul has faded, and
    His heart is constantly disipating
    With no drug to ease the pain.
    Who can save him?
    Where's your god?
    Someone stole away his light
    He feels hell pulling him under.




    Submitted on 2007-02-07 10:56:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I've read a few of your works but I wanted to leave you a comment on this one, because i think it's one of the best I seen on your page.
    I like it that this poem is short yet brings across a powerful message.. And I think that's because you used the bigger forces of nature to emphasize that. The Sun with shadows and light, hell, and you are talking about a god you do not seem to feel. I get that.
    The message is clear. You feel lost and left.
    my suggestion for you is that.. maybe you could have added just a bit more, using more nature to emphasise, like the moon or something.
    whatever,
    take care.

    -janneke
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      nice, hell and stuff, thats whats up dude! balls out!
    | Posted on 2007-02-14 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]
      there is so much pain in these words you make a person feel it. very well done.

    AL
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this.it is so dark and painful..which happens to be my favorite kind of poem.good job as allways.keep it up sage.

    ~safire~
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    134179

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry