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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Damneddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 470



    Description:
       bored


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDamneddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shadows grow darker.
    The sun forgot him,
    Locked out of the light
    Fleeing the monsters
    Screaming prayers that fall upon deaf ears.
    There are no stars in his world,
    No glimmer in his eyes.
    His soul has faded, and
    His heart is constantly disipating
    With no drug to ease the pain.
    Who can save him?
    Where's your god?
    Someone stole away his light
    He feels hell pulling him under.




    Submitted on 2007-02-07 10:56:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've read a few of your works but I wanted to leave you a comment on this one, because i think it's one of the best I seen on your page.
    I like it that this poem is short yet brings across a powerful message.. And I think that's because you used the bigger forces of nature to emphasize that. The Sun with shadows and light, hell, and you are talking about a god you do not seem to feel. I get that.
    The message is clear. You feel lost and left.
    my suggestion for you is that.. maybe you could have added just a bit more, using more nature to emphasise, like the moon or something.
    whatever,
    take care.

    -janneke
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      nice, hell and stuff, thats whats up dude! balls out!
    | Posted on 2007-02-14 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]
      there is so much pain in these words you make a person feel it. very well done.

    AL
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this.it is so dark and painful..which happens to be my favorite kind of poem.good job as allways.keep it up sage.

    ~safire~
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]


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