Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: burndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mr.Ordinary
    ASL Info:    21/M/Navy
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 64/102/41
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 416



    Description:
       just another one where i timed myeslf for five min and came up with how i felt. it allways helps to write it down.(no one i know truly fits this i just dont want all these weird thoughts in my mind.)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsburndots
    -------------------------------------------


    get out of my face,
    get out of my life
    otherwise ill stab you with
    my big long knife.

    i hate your guts
    i hate your games
    i hate the fact they let
    you breathe

    i love
    well not you,you see
    for you have allways hated me

    or at least this is what you say
    but then you must have
    been lieing to me everyday.




    Submitted on 2007-02-07 22:50:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is so wild and random and crazy. I loved it. it's nice to get things off your chest, and just go crazy with it. I don't think you can count grammar and spelling on a poem like this. If you have 5 minutes, you can't exactly plan it out, go over it a million times, and make sure its perfect.

    Overall, nice poem, and i think i should try the 5 minute thing, it might help with all these thoughts I have in my head.

    Nice Write
    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2008-04-28 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this. i have deffinatly been there. all i can say is life goes on with or without you. Nice poem i lived it. nice structure and grammar. It could stand to have been a little longer but it was still a great poem. Good Job.
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, "lieing" is not a word. It's actually 'lying' just so you know.

    This has good potential, if you could just revise it up a bit, use some more original descriptions and imagery. The beginning of it starts out very cliché:

    "get out of my face,
    get out of my life
    otherwise ill stab you with
    my big long knife."

    It gives the poem a very juvenile feel.

    I's are supposed to be capitalised as well, and I think you meant I'll instead of "ill"

    You got your emotions across, and I could really feel it in this, so nice job there. Keep on writing and playing with words :) As I said, it has the potential to go from good to great.

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    134246

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    To written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry