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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Want Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raven_TheWolf
    ASL Info:    16/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.95 - 128/128/63
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 192
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 582



    Description:
       Oh so Emo, but accurate as to what I'm feeling right now. It's nowhere near my best, but it's satisfactory. Honest opinions, please.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Want Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to ponder reasons why,
    Ponder what happens when we die

    I want to watch you take the blame,
    To watch you hang your head in shame

    I want to leave alone my burns,
    Leave and forget about the concerns

    I want to feel human again,
    To feel love instead of disdain

    I want to help myself learn,
    To deserve what I earn

    I want to watch you feed the flame,
    To watch you win this game

    I want time to wonder, time to cry
    Time to live, then say goodbye




    Submitted on 2007-02-08 13:10:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think that you started out very strong in the beginning of this piece and then towards the end it almost seemed like the rhyme was being mroe forced than just flowing along with the rest of the piece.... it could be because the phrases were shorter then the ones at the beginning, im really not sure. my stanza were the first and the last, they seem to be stuck in my head now. anyways nice job and hope to hear more from you. have a great day

    amber
    | Posted on 2007-02-08 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

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