Description: working title...
continuing to experiment with shorter
i am new to poetry and i have just read a couple of cummings' poems and have been thus inspired
to use concrete form with this piece...
wrote this in a cvs parking lot in 5 minutes.
all suggestions are welcome.
i agree with digital flower in that this one was a little hard to read- for example my eye was reading downward until the word skyward and then i tried to read it downward too so it read like this... drawyks... i was like, "what is drawyks?" haha... but nevertheless it was clever cause like you have to read it going skyward.
there were a couple of other times where i did the same thing as well but i am a ditz so that doesn't matter.
i would like to say that i am proud of you. you are really pursuing this seriously. i can tell that you are experimenting with styles and subject matters and that you are really putting that e. e. cummings book to good use! thanks for the write my love!
Haha, awesome... this must've taken you ages to format. Perhaps you could repost your original version as well so people can compare, and tell you which one they like best? I like the artistic license you've given this, but I also like the original simplicity of your first.
mmm hard to read but I already know what it is about
it adds a certain beauty and freeness to it
it actually reminds me a lot of a book called house of leave by mark z danielawski (sp?) he uses that style while his characters enter a certain level of going insane and to show how the house is literally and metaphorically falling apart along with the peoples lives lol idk youll have to read it
but back to the topic at hand
must of taken you forever to do that lol
and i agree with the other person it is kinda like leaves blowing around in the wind free and careless.
I'm monumentally stunned at the formatting of this write, John Paul. Were you by any chance mimicking leaves as they swirled in a breeze, or was it the wind itself you were portraying here? It may only be me, but I believe a less radical modification of this might be the best way to present a short write. In any case, it is good to see you experiment with differing styles and formats.
I agree with, digitalflower. The shorter form lends itself toward the far reaching language and is easy to digest and savour. I also felt that "sonnet" seemed out of place. For me that's because a sonnet is complex and so doesn't strike me as being as immediate as some other forms.
good one man
short and sweet but its good because it makes it not over done
i don't really lik ethe sonnet line itjust doesn't seem to fit for me
i woulda putin something else about the universe and how vast and huge it is or maybe the other planets