Don't Walk Away by charmedidentity

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Submission Name: Don't Walk Away dots

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Author:	charmedidentity
ASL Info:	21/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:	7.19 - 814/801/346
Words:	142

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	181
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	941

Description:
This is meant to be a lyrics for someone who wants to make things right with someone because he messed up and wants to tell her that he'll do anything to get her back in his life. Tell me if i caught the feeling.
Hope you like it

Don't Walk Away dots

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Your words
Filled in every corner of my soul
Remembering
That you’ll never again be whole
Promising me
You don’t wanna look back
I lost strength
The point was never that

You left my days so hollow
Filling it with stones
Yet I cannot bury the sorrow
My heart insane
Knowing you don’t wanna be together
I blame myself
For playing with our forever
Forgive me

I understand
My features torment your breathing
Reminding you
Of all the lies I kept you feeding
I promise you
I’ll never leave you shaking
I learnt the truth
Loving you is an amazing feeling

I’ll change the world in me
To have you in my arms again
Sing for all my days our melody
Give me a chance, don’t walk away
I’ll make things right, don’t walk away

Submitted on 2007-02-09 11:18:49 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Your words
Filled in every corner of my soul
Remembering
That you’ll never again be whole
Promising me
You don’t wanna look back
I lost strength
The point was never that

You left my days so hollow
Filling it with stones
Yet I cannot bury the sorrow
My (heart's gone) insane
Knowing you don’t wanna be together
I blame myself
For playing with our forever
Forgive me

I understand
(A glimpse of me torments) your breathing
Reminding you
Of all the lies I kept you feeding
I promise you
I’ll never leave you shaking
I (learned) the truth
Loving you is an amazing feeling

I’ll change the world in me
To have you in my arms again
Sing for all my days our melody
Give me a chance, don’t walk away
I’ll make things right, don’t walk away

I have a little problem with 'of all the lies I kept you feeding,' Irina. Although I understand the sense of what you're saying, it doesn't work grammatically. Something similar to 'all the lies that I was feeding' may be closer to what you need, but you may have a better solution to this yourself.

As to the post, you convey the desparate emotions of someone who may have taken a significant other for granted one time too many. The promises people make under those circumstances are usually miracles that rarely happen. However, the entire post works as a song lyric, and that was your goal as you wrote it.

I hope your world is happier than this one.
Take care.
Bill.

| Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
As far as I can tell this had a really nice flow...it would be helpful to hear the music...but as is, they sound like very good lyrics and the fellow you mentioned should be pleased.

Sincerest
affections
Ava
| Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by madhatress | [ Reply to This ]

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