Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Death of the Humandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 584
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1159



    Description:
       I think that I intend to describe hell, entertain myself and all of you possibly.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Death of the Humandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I say to you in one instant the nonbeliever, the blasphemor, fell to his knees. As he fell he deliberately placed his hands on his heart. He held on to everybeat, grasped tightly with his fist as if he could reach into him and keep the heart pumping. Every second that he held onto his pulse he feared it would stop. His knees began trembling as his body lost strength. I say to you within one second, a fraction of a minute, the building block of an hour, his heart did stop. Within these few most dear moments he was capable of a small realization. He was still coherent, kneeling down, lacking the beat of his own heart. He danced with a quick idea that he didn't need his heart, that he could go on and live a normal life without this irreparable organ. The instant the thought ran through, measured by the quickness of human capability to absorb a thought, his body fell in one thump and his life, the human life that gave mobility to his tangible being, dwindled away. His conciousness fell and fell, down into puddles of surface water, eventually percolating down into soil, further still to the core of the world.







    Submitted on 2007-02-09 12:22:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this seemed interesting, a bit more serious and deeply thoughtful...it makes me think about life and death and just how fast its all gone, just how quickly thoughts fade, and a heartbeat ends

    spiffy
    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-09-12 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't care very much for it, sounds a little too much like a sermon for my taste.

    Well written, I suppose, but lacking your usual flair.
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very intense, i love it i think its some of the best you have written. i have just onesugestion and you might have ment to do this ...istead of reach into him and keep the heart pumping, maybe reach into himself and keep the heart pumping. Other than that i think its perfect. well done

    AL
    | Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    134383

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry