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    dots Submission Name: Darkness Fallsdots

    Author: colopoao
    ASL Info:    42/ Male / Hallowell Mai
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 62/55/18
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1014
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 361


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    dotsDarkness Fallsdots

    When darkness falls the light shines through
    To search the inner soul...
    When darkness falls the hammer drops
    The lamp lite dampens the room...
    When darkness, the needle stings
    The Earth cries out in Pain
    When darkness Falls
    One hand rests
    Only to sink six feet again.


    Submitted on 2007-02-10 15:19:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Azuire that the repetition of 'When darkness falls..." does add a haunting tone to it, as if it was read with an almost cynical/morose feeling. I don't think an overtly rhyme scheme would do anything but take away from the piece itself. I personally don't like rhyme unless it is powerful in delivering a statement, after all we remember rhymes well.

    Another tasteful and eloquent minimal piece. Perfect.

    | Posted on 2013-08-02 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the openness of the free verse here...

    falling into the pit...darkness could be a good thing or bad thing, depending on perspective and how we use it or deal with it.

    hope, hope dashed, and then hope again.

    like that...this has a nice brevity, conciseness about it.

    works for me...very well indeed.

    | Posted on 2012-02-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I would regard this as a minimalist poem, it certainly seems short and abstract enough.
    Firstly, the repetition of "when darkness falls" is most haunting, it leaves a sort of impression on the reader. However I think you could have rhymed this poem and it would have sounded much better and even more haunting. I have a suggestion for that:

    When darkness falls the light shines through
    To search the inner soul...
    When darkness falls the hammer drops
    Lamp light strikes the bowl

    When darkness falls, the needle stings
    The Earth cries out in Pain
    When darkness falls, one hand rests
    Yet sinks six feet again.

    It's only a suggestion, or it could be just me.
    Thank you for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-02-10 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]

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