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    dots Submission Name: These Daysdots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 230/384/131
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 759
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 660

       A quick freestyle poem that got put together without any planning. I'm particularly fond of the first stanza.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Daysdots

    There are days when I feel
    Nothing is worthwhile
    Nothing is worth
    The pennies in our pockets
    Because you can get
    A downloadable copy
    For free.

    There are days when I feel
    The silent, cold spaces
    Between cardboard homes
    Are the perfects areas
    In which to rebuild

    There are days when I feel
    Those puppy-dog eyes
    That people seem so fond of
    Are nothing but
    A mass of colored lenses
    And organelles.

    There are days when I feel
    Reality and life
    Have nothing to do with

    Submitted on 2007-02-12 18:14:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this, it was great at showing hopelessness, while still remaining yourself. I can't say I really saw the money/happiness thing that Ron did, but I guess that's something you should be proud of, you wrote a poem people can interpret in their own way. Just a side note, upon reading the first verse, the writing style seemed off, but as it advanced and was repeated, it made it fit and it worked very well, maybe there is something you could change about the first one, or add before it to make it have the same affect the ones after it have, in that they make it work. I'm not really sure, or I would be more specific, so I'm just sharing my feeling on that small part of what is a good write.
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
      I really really like this write
    You speak Great truth with your words
    To me you are describing how one does not have to have a lot of things or a lot of money to achieve happiness
    I know this as a fact because I live a very happy life with very little money
    Happiness cant be bought it is a choice
    A way one choices to live their life
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-02-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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