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    dots Submission Name: My Fat Blanketdots

    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 370
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 1211
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2329

       For everytime someone has called me fat, for every time someone has ridiculed or rejected me, I'd just like to say fuck you, this is who I am....do with it what you please.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Fat Blanketdots

    Around my stomach I wear my fat,
    A security blanket forever shaming and embarrassing.
    Used to arouse my anger so I may place my hate
    Always needing it’s annoyance near me
    Providing my unwanted yet necessary excuses.

    If not for my blanket’s presence,
    My life might not still exist.
    There would be no Me as I know now,
    Instead, in a smaller body a different, lesser person
    Without the knowledge, consideration, or uniqueness
    That inhabits my mind.

    Would I truly be Me with out
    The imagination that fuels my heart and feeds my dreams?
    Would there be ambition or resilience?
    Lacking my irritant there’d be a shell of Me,
    Exposed to this raw world.
    Would it still be ruled by fear?

    If I lose my hideous blanket,
    Could I face the possibility or fact that people,
    If actually capable of seeing past my blanket,
    Might still see the hideousness of me?
    Then where shall I place my hate, my excuses?
    I’d need new rationale for rejection,
    That it is Me that they reject and no longer my blanket.

    This lesser person, this shell of Me
    Would be heartless, careless,
    And completely lost without a blanket.
    I’d address Me as “it” by then I’d be a monster.
    Material eyes wouldn’t waste a glance
    At the dying brownness over the fence,
    Couldn’t think of the others
    Living only with the green of their eyes,
    As I have, for so many years.

    Appreciation would be lost along with deepness of love.
    Would it truly feel? Or enjoy the pleasure
    Of knowing and being oneself.
    Would I, being it, be happy in sheer bliss of ignorance?

    If I being Me had the chance
    To forget myself, and my past
    Would I become that emptier but beautiful person,
    Just to look in a mirror with dry cheeks?
    Would I be real? Would I be strong, or happy?
    Or just torn down by the confrontation
    Of fear, of truth?

    I cannot leave my blanket behind
    Although hated, I need it with all my life.
    For the fear, for the uncertainty, or for the best of me
    I need my excuse, my blame, my security.

    Submitted on 2007-02-13 11:16:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I know I have a fat blanket!
    -I laughed when I read the title and clicked on it, but it turned out to be nothing like what I thought I was going to read. I'm blown away and also kind of sad...

    I was just talking about this sort of thing with my girl a few days ago- how most "pretty" people, who always get what they want from their looks, never have to develop any type of personality.
    And most just end up so ugly inside. And to me; I don't care how drop-dead-gorgeous a girl is, if she's a horrible person then it just makes them seem SO ugly to me.
    The reason it came up is because we had made a new friend and she is just the most honest, kind, caring and genuine person we had met in a good long time. And when we first saw her- we really did not get that impression because she is very, very pretty. -And most pretty people know that they're pretty and instantly have a chip on their shoulder about it.
    But what we found out weeks later, when she was showing us pictures, was that she used to be (and grew up) very overweight and over the past year she's dieted and exercised and all that good stuff I'm too lazy to do myself. But it all just clicked- it made so much sense at that moment- why she had such a kick ass personality.
    Only people who have some sort of insecurity like that tend to work on other aspects of themselves.

    I agree with you, totally. I like who I am- and I know if I grew up as one of the "beautiful people" I would not have been, basically forced, to develop other characteristics in myself. And if I was told I could be a sleek and toned, sexy stud but I'd have to give up who I became as an individual to do it- I would definitely pass.

    "My excuse, my blame, my security." - that really says so much with so few words...

    And I love the questions you ask in this piece; If I were "pretty" on the outside and still no one liked me- what then? There is nothing left to blame but me! Could I be happy materialistic? -Beautiful yet empty inside...

    "Instead, in a smaller body a different, lesser person without the knowledge, consideration, or uniqueness that inhabits my mind." -That pretty much sums it up, I think.

    Sorry I keep going on- not only could I relate to this post but I have known so many others who I have seen on either side of this. It's something we see every day in this society we live in...

    Great job putting it all out there! And, in my opinion- you are simply adorable!

    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      I do not have a fat blanket. it's almost as if i don't exist, i'm that thin, really. (and not that tall, it sucks.. =P)

    But you know, maybe it's not that bad. Really. I mean you're very cool. And it shows. I mean I'm like god knows how many miles away, and I think you're cool, so does it really matter, whatever these other people say? =p

    Though a little negative, I liked this write, as someone's epiphany says, it comes across as honest. almost unapologetically so. and i like it. it also sounds a little pissed off. and i love that! Btw, I think you'd be exactly who you are if you lost it. I'm sure of that. My sister's an example.

    Don't let them get you down!
    | Posted on 2007-12-07 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is late, but I'm slow in getting around these days.

    Absolutely Wonderful!
    Your writing is on it with description and conveying honesty with style and great delivery

    You truly are beautiful - I don't even know you, but believe me when I say I know beauty and you are defining it right here...

    I'm leaving this as is...and not saying any more for now except well done, well written, well felt

    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      my beautiful girl.
    this may be one of the most amazingly honest writes ive ever seen from you and i am proud of you for giving voice to this.

    firs thing i gotta say before i go on is that when i call you beautiful i mean it. so you gotta be listening to me and not those other bucketheads who dont know what beauty is.

    next i have to say that i completely understand the feelings expressed in this piece and want to take it a step further to say that while i was in ethiopia and europe i lost a LOT of weight due to lotsa walking and better eating i guess. and i felt really good about myself. it wasnt a conscious decision to lose weight... it just happened. but what i noticed after a while was that i got all this attention from boys that i never used to get. and it pissed me off. because i was still the same person i always was i just looked a lil different and thats a pathetically shallow reason and i hated it completely. then things happened and whatever and just recently ive spent a month in bed due to injuries and so now none of my clothes fit and im pissed off LOL.
    i dont know if ill ever win this game haha!

    anyways. yes. i adore you for writing this piece. for looking inside yourself and realising you are who you are despite what others think or judge you to be based on your looks.
    my only encouragment is for you to not think of yourself as fat and not make fat blanket sound like such a bad thing.

    for the longest time i have hated the "beautiful on the inside" line but then i read this and i can see its merit.

    but you my girl are beautiful through and through and i love you for that.
    keep your head up and remember to smile.
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      You...DID IT...haha

    well, if it helps...i got a blanket too...it also hugs around my waist, and over the years...I've grown to like it, cause unless I starve myself and run 80 miles a week...it will always be there. it's hairy too...LMAO

    However, I do believe that if it was gone, you'd be the same person you are now, just lighter, i'm pretty confident. Because, people shed or gain pounds, but the genuine personality stays.

    I liked your description...simple F you to all those who are just insecure about themselves anyway. Remember grabbing life by the balls...Steph...DO IT

    have a good one.


    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to admit this is a fantastic ans well written write
    I too am what others always seem to call fat or obese
    Though I never see that with my own eyes
    We are who we believe we are
    We have to stand strong and fight off the negativity others try to throw at us
    I truly believe that my weight like you believe is a very important part of me
    If others cant see past my weight and see the beautiful caring person in side
    That is truly their loss
    I am making this a favorite
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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