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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Decisiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 786
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1272



    Description:
       This isn't really a poem or a story but kindof a combination of the two. I don't really know how to describe it. The capital letters are the beginning of each line and the lower case letters are a continuance of each line.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDecisiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rushing water drowning out the sound of a baby’s cries
    A little girl walking with her mother in a park points and says, “Look mommy!”
    Ignoring her she walks on

    Night engulfing the park in total darkness
    Freezing rains and icy winds
    Muffling the cries into peace
    Night breaks to day and day to night

    Days go by and again the little girl is walking with her mother
    This time she says, “What’s that smell mommy?”
    Her mother walks to the bushes and begins to cry
    There in the bushes by the creek lies a very small, motionless form

    In a neighboring town a young woman of 16 turns on her television
    Seeing the news she falls to the floor, realizing she had made the wrong choice
    Thinking she would have been too young, being torn apart and hating herself
    For thinking her baby would have had a better life with its father

    The phone rings, someone is crying
    “Honey your sister is gone.”
    Falling into her chair she asks, “What happened?”
    In between sobs “She committed suicide.”

    Waking up a young woman begins to cry as she realizes she has made her decision;
    She was going to keep her baby.




    Submitted on 2007-02-15 07:49:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,

    Great piece, well written, and you kept the person on the guess right to the end. Read like a poem, good ending.
    There was no rhyme pattern which fitted this piece like a glove.

    Would rewrite this slightly:

    "Freezing rains and icy winds begin
    No more cries can be heard"
    to:
    "Freezing rains and icy winds
    muffling the cries into peace"

    Would change this slightly as well:
    "Night breaks to day and day to night"
    replacing the second "night", with another word meaning the same like: "Dusk breaks to day and day to night"

    Good write,please keep writing.

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      damn, yo' this is really sad...but iss good. iono though... hard to keep track of whut I was reading for some reason...
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]


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