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    dots Submission Name: Keep one eye opendots

    Author: just an angel
    ASL Info:    17/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 95/109/59
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKeep one eye opendots

    I'll break your neck
    I'll stab your back
    You're going to wish
    We never made contact

    You broke my peace
    and pumped my tears
    Now I'll become the object
    Of all your fears

    I'll be that dark shadow
    Behind the street light
    I'll be those glowing eyes
    Feeding your fright

    Search your closet
    Pull back the curtain
    You'll never find me
    That's for certain

    But'll I will know where you are
    Everytime of everyday
    Try to hide
    I dare you to run away

    You'll never rid of me
    But go ahead and keep hopin
    Just take my advice:
    Keep one eye open

    Submitted on 2007-02-15 18:49:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      yeah, reminded me of one of those chants witches say in a show like charmed or something. this was very interesting. made me smile and want to share this piece to some people i know who want revenge on their exes. lol. anyway, seriously, this flowed very well. emotion was clear and so were your intentions, haha. i dont usually like poems like this, but i have to say this one was pretty clever. the only criticism i have is that the rhyme of the second to the last stanza is a bit off. but aside from that, this was nice

    | Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by moonlitsky | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohh this write is Good
    You are showing someone that you are aware of their evil intentions in this write
    You were able to create quite a vivid explanation of your emotions with this write
    I really liked the rhyme scheme used in this as you can really capture your emotion better with your thoughts written in this style
    Excellent work!!!
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh that kind of reminds me of those horror movies where the guy cheats on the girl and the girl looks for revenge. Then she finds him and runs him over with her car multiple times until he dies. Lol. Overall I think it could used a little work. I'm not sure what kind of feedback you are looking for so I'm not going to sit here and write out word for word how you should change it. Ummm...I like how when I read it I feel it just keeps getting louder in my head (if that makes any sense). I guess it just gets the message of the poem out. Oh wells I love angry poems! Nice work:)
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]

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