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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Out Sand Dropdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vasudeva
    ASL Info:    43/M/irrelevant
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 24/27/23
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 921
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761



    Description:
       These are thoughts. The inner world interspersed with some external events.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOut Sand Dropdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Where are we all headed?
    Why is it so hard for us
    to show brotherly love?
    Is it so important to know
    Whose fault it was?

    Though our intentions are good?
    Amidst a cruel world,
    Dying millions of tiny deaths,
    each cell, every thought,
    morphing one step
    closer to dust.

    And we count time by grains
    ignoring the clocks
    that attune themselves to value.

    Reducing our days
    and dreams
    to sediment valleys
    that vanish with sleep.

    There is yet
    a wondrous clock
    filtering out the dross
    giving height and depth
    to our dream world reality.









    Submitted on 2007-02-15 23:31:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,

    is this line correct "to show brotherly live."

    or should it be

    "to show brotherly love."

    Kind regards
    Eric

    | Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi,

    These are only suggestions:

    I Liked this part:

    "Everything around you
    is one step closer to sand"

    would of said:

    "Everything around us
    is one step closer to sand"
    counting time with the same method
    Ignoring the clocks of reality
    that attune themselves to value."

    Not sure if that changed the message slightly,

    Then the first line changed to:
    "Where are we all headed?"

    "Is it so important
    whose fault is was."
    To:
    "Is it so important
    whose fault is was?"

    Liked the idea behind it, and the theme of fault finding why are we so attuned to that method?

    I liked the fourth paragraph, because of one of my favorite themes time ...

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]


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    135072

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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