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    dots Submission Name: Poet to His Lovedots

    Author: Scribner
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 131/134/18
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1212
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 533


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    dotsPoet to His Lovedots

    If I could put my love in rhyme
    And watch it grow line by line
    It might stand against eternal time
    Oh, if I could put my love in rhyme

    If I could but coax my love to sing
    I might find the joy life could bring
    Angels might lean to it's Heavenly ring
    Oh, if I could but coax my love to sing

    But I lack the skills of my own design
    So to this life and love I will resign
    Until a better day when I can find
    The words to put my love to rhyme

    Submitted on 2004-01-31 12:28:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Lovely. *Sigh* I feel like squueing fangirl, reading and replying to every piece I read. Even your titles are appealing! This piece, even if it wasn't lovely, deep and true, you wouls still win because - I would want this said to me. Two specific things: I LOVE the first two lines. What a great image! Growing line by line. Second, I think the flow might be a bit moother if in the 2nd line, 2nd stanza, you changed it to "I might find the joy that life could bring". Normally I don't encourage excessive words like that, but it might take out that little bump. But do what youl ike, this is a lovely poem anyway.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-02-23 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      Tip, I meant. Sleep deprivation makes me dumb.
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      it's hard for me to do it but you made the flow steady... good job
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful man these are all short and glorious a master at work
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      Some might say "forced rhyming", but that is a new term to me...... great flow... and Brock, heavenly was spelled correctly.
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

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