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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Sweetheartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tenirsk
    ASL Info:    16/F/N/A
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 4/17/29
    Words: 578
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 213
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3182



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Sweetheartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Sweetheart, I’m sorry I was dragging you down. I didn’t mean it when I said I wished you were dead.

    Dear Sweetheart, is that your new love? Why don’t you crash that car; drive it over a cliff while watching the sunset in each other‘s arms? I’m sorry, but I can’t stand your life now that I know you‘re not true. This pain is real, but so is the placement of time.

    Dear Sweetheart, the further you go the warmer my heart becomes. I pull further away only to hear the words ringing in my ears. How far is too far? I may have made a couple mistakes, but I’m only true, unlike you…

    Dear Sweetheart, I’ll find another treat that makes my blood rush. My hands are sweetened by the melting chocolate, as I’ve already dipped my fingers into the pot. How long was I suppose to wait? I’m sorry sweet heart…I’m not a patient lover.

    Hey, Sweetheart, do you think of me when you see brown eyes? Sweetheart, do you still gaze at my pictures? Such a familiar face captured in time occupied with twinkle of the eye. I have more secrets then you will ever know.

    Hey Sweetheart, I’m trying not to take it too hard. I was a mere distraction from your own flaws, sweetheart. I’m sorry, I buckled under your burden. I didn’t mean it when I apologized all those times.

    Hey, Sweetheart, is that why you hated me when you found failure in my arms?

    Dear Sweetheart, They all call you names; names that have no resemblance to the name I called in love. But, I’m guilty of the pleasure of smiling in return. As they jest and probe, but never telling me they told me so. After all, they know it’s salt to a toothache. Soon, they won’t mention your name anymore..

    Dear Sweet heart, you know I love my sugary treats. So sweet and yet so painful after over indulging.

    My dear sweetheart, you’ll never truly know what you lost that day. When one day I would have taken a bullet for you, sweetheart- now I’d willing dodge a bullet just for you.

    Hey sweetheart, don’t look so shocked, a bullet; it wouldn’t hurt you so bad- you’re too shallow to suffer a deep wound.

    Darling sweetheart, you’ve lost the sweetness, you’ve lost your heart and now I’m left alone without my favorite treat.

    Dear, it was just a phase. You gave me a stomach ache in which I’d stab myself just to get you back.

    Hey stranger, I’d never shoot that gun, but I hope you think of me and what you’ve done. Don’t worry, love- I’d never hurt you- this is my mind- the balance I want, sweetheart; is for you to miss me. The scorn of a sweet woman, no longer your sweet heart.

    Hey darling, the new girl is a tart. Yes, darling dear, I don’t know her, but I know myself and I’m a lovelier treat.

    Hey long time sweetheart, I’ll find a new delicious treat and forget how you entreated me. I’ll talk to them and pretend you never existed.

    Thank you, sweet heart for teaching me you’re a sour treat with a sugar coat. I’ll be careful with my selection of treats next time I visit the candy shop.




    Submitted on 2007-02-16 06:14:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I kinda have mixed feelings about this one, and I'm not quite sure how that's going to come out right now. I understand the whole repetition of the treats and whatnot, but I think that you could edit it to make it more meaningful rather than just repeated...The second stanza I wasn't too crazy about...it didn't really go with the whole piece because it was more angry than the rest. I did like the ending of this, how the "dear sweethearts" transformed into stranger and more detached names. But then you went back to say "sweetheart" in the last stanza, which I didn't like in the form of this poem, but on an emotional level it's understandable that you wrote it, because no matter what some guy does to you, there's always that little bit that's ready to forgive him. Back to the poem, I liked the "dear, it was just a phrase" line the best...and I think that if you're going to use the repetition of "dear ___" in the beginning just make sure that the lines are longer so we're not reading it every third second.

    Overall, I liked this piece, it had a really interesting thought behind it, and I'm sure that with a little bit of tinkering it'll be great. kudos on a good write.

    *sandi*
    | Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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